Hi...!
How are you, everybody?
(crowd cheering)
That... great.
That's how I'm gonna talkfor 30 minutes.
So just (bleep) get on board.
(laughter)
Everyone okay? Great, great.
I'm so happy to be here.
What the (bleep)?
That's not how you spell "gay."What the (bleep)?
There's a (bleep) in "gay."
Let's start this(bleep) thing over.
Um, JK, JK, everything's fine.
Um, you guys don't need itto say "gay" behind me
because you can hearmy voice, right?
It's just kind of a pride parade
in every (bleep) syllable,isn't it?
Really cool childhood.
What else?
Um...
I'm single.
Anyone here single?
Whoo!(crowd whooping)
Who here's single? Whoo!
Let me hear who's single! Whoo!
What are we gonna do?
(inhales through teeth)
What are we gonna do?
(inhales through teeth)
Smoke weed and watch Intervention at the same time?
That's what I do.
Um, that's not it, though.Don't worry.
I'm pretty busy.
Uh, this is my first timebeing single with an iPhone.
(chuckles)
Uh, you guys know
what I'm talking about,some of you, clearly.
Um, what I'm talkingabout is Grindr.
Um, I'm busy.
Um...
For those of you who don't know,Grindr is an app
for your iPhone that kind ofworks through your GPS,
and it tells you how many feetor miles away
from the next horny gay guyyou are (laughs)
at any given point.
And it's pretty (bleep) genius.
Yes, it's awesome.
And it's also (bleep)breakthrough in technology.
And I feel like most peopleat this point
have heard of Grindr,
but what I don't think a lotof straight people know is
that now there's actuallya lot of spin-offs of Grindr,
like, kind of like Frasier-style,
more specific spin-offs.
'Cause, like, Grindrjust tells you
how far away from each otheryou are.
It doesn't necessarilygo by what you're into
of if you guys aregonna get along.
And that's what the spin-offsare for.
Like, they're more specific.
Like, there's Radar for ifyou're into men of color,
which I am.
And there's MISTER
for if you'reinto older guys, which I am.
And there's Recon for if you'reinto S&M, which I might be,
but I'll never find out.
'Cause who has the (bleep)time, honestly?
I have a hole in the ankleof my jeans.
I'm clearly not saving upfor (bleep) equipment.
Um, and then...
Oh, there's-- also there'sSCRUFF for if you're into
whatever the (bleep) this is,whatever you would call this.