Eugene Mirman - Bears in Detroit

  • Season 12 , Ep 7
  • 01/31/2008
  • Views: 10,459

Bears are gentrifying Detroit. (3:28)

[Chuckles] ONE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I WAS IN VANCOUVER.AND I WAS IN WHAT I WAS TOLD

WAS THE POOREST NEIGHBORHOODIN NORTH AMERICA.

WHICH I FINDVERY HARD TO BELIEVE.

BECAUSE HAS ANYONE HEREEVER BEEN TO DETROIT?

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

IT LOOKS LIKEIT'S BEEN ATTACKED.

- AND IT HAS, BY THE ECONOMY.- [LAUGHTER]

BUT ONE OF THE BEST THINGSI FOUND OUT ABOUT DETROIT

IS THAT BEARS HAVE STARTEDRETURNING TO THE CITY.

LIKE ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF TOWNABANDONED HOUSES, BEARS--

WHEN BEARS AREGENTRIFYING YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD

AND OPENING THAI RESTAURANTS...

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S A POOR NEIGHBORHOOD.

IS ANYBODY HERE KNOW WHAT TO DOIF A BEAR ATTACKS?

- Woman: FAKE DEATH.- FAKE DEATH?

I THINK YOU MEANPLAY DEAD, NOT FAKE DEATH.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU MEAN LIKE,"HOLD ON, BEAR.

"I'M GONNA PRETENDTO TAKE POISON

AND DO A LITTLE PLAY FOR YOU."THE BEAR IS LIKE,

- "THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL."- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

LIKE, A LOT OF PEOPLE DO THINKYOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PLAY DEAD.

WHICH IS NOT WHATYOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO.

AND THE BEST THINGABOUT PLAYING DEAD IS

THAT'S LIKE A RUMORTHAT BEAR'S SPREAD.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I DON'T KNOW HOW BEAR'S DID IT.

BEAR'S HAVE NO PROPAGANDATHAT I KNOW OF.

THERE'S A LOT OF ADS ON TVFOR LIKE CATEGORIES OF THINGS

LIKE MILK AND CHEESE AND PORKAND THINGS IN GENERAL.

LIKE WE'RE EVER GONNAFORGET ABOUT CHEESE. WE'RE NOT.

BUT I LOVE THAT.SO WHAT I WANTED TO DO

WAS MAKE ADS FORSOMETHING THAT I LOVE

AND TRY TO SELL SHAPES.SO, I'M GOING TO GO OVER HERE.

- OH, YOU CAN STILL HEAR ME.- [LAUGHTER]

I GOT TO MAKE A MAKE WISH

AND A WIZARD GRANTED MEA VOICE LIKE GOD.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

SO THESE ARE SOME OF MY ADSFOR SHAPES THAT I'M GONNA SELL.

THIS IS AN AD FOR A CIRCLE.

- NOW THAT'S A SHAPE.- [LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

SQUARE, THE OTHER RECTANGLE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

TRIANGLE...HOT THREE-WAY ACTION.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HEART. I AM A TRIANGLEWITH AN ASS ON TOP.

- PLEASE HELP.- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND THEN, FINALLY,[BLEEP]-UP-A-GON.

LET'S PARTY.

[SCREAMING, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I'M GONNA SELL A LOT OF[BLEEP]-UP-A-GONS.

[LAUGHTER]

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