T.J. Miller - Couple of Characters

  • Season 1 , Ep 8
  • 12/04/2012
  • Views: 24,858

T.J. Miller presents a fraternity brother giving a eulogy, demon defending his Netflix queue, woman with serious relationship problems and praise of a Coke bottle frame. (2:16)

THIS IS A FRATERNITY BROTHERWHO'S GIVING A EULOGY

FOR THE FIRST TIME.

[whines]

MELISSA WAS REALLY COOL.[whimpers]

SHE WAS REALLY AWESOMEAND SUPER-NICE. [sobs]

THE COOL THINGABOUT MELISSA WAS,

SHE ALWAYS SAIDTHAT SOCIETY TRIED TO PUT US

IN OUR RESPECTIVE BOXES...[sobs]

BUT MELISSA ALWAYS SAID HER BOXWAS BIG ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY.

[sobs]

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID,THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

UH, THIS IS A DEMON WHO'SDEFENDING HIS NETFLIX QUEUE.

- NO, I'M TELLING YOU,

JUST BECAUSETHEY HAVE THE SAME ACTORS,

YOU'VE GOT MAIL ISA COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MOVIE

THAN SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE.

YOU JUST KEEPFLAYING THE SKIN OF THOSE

THAT SINNED BEFORE THEIR DEATHAND LEAVE ME ALONE.

I WATCH WHAT I WANT,

AND NOW, WITH NETFLIX INSTANT,I WATCH IT WHEN I WANT.

THIS IS A GIRL WHO HASSERIOUS RELATIONSHIP ISSUES,

BUT SHE ONLY EXPRESSES THEMWHEN SHE'S TALKING TO BABIES.

WHOA, WHAT A CUTIE, HUH?HOW OLD? EIGHT MONTHS?

[baby talk]

WHAT A HANDSOME BOY,HUH?

HANDSOME BOY, YEAH.

YOU'RE GONNA GROW UPTO BE A REAL LADY-KILLER, HUH?

JUST [bleep] 'EMAND LEAVE 'EM, HUH?

JUST RAW DOGAND DON'T LEAVE A NUMBER.

I LIKE HIS BONNET.

RAPPERS HAVE BEENRAPPING A LOT LATELY,

PRIMARILY IN THEIR RAPS,

ABOUT HOW THEY LIKE A WOMANWITH A COKE BOTTLE FRAME.

♪ MM! I LIKEA COKE BOTTLE FRAME ♪

♪ [grunts] GIMME THATCOKE BOTTLE FRAME ♪

AND I'M OPEN-MINDED,SO I DID SOME THINKING ON IT,

AND I DECIDEDTHAT I, TOO,

ENJOY A WOMANWITH A COKE BOTTLE FRAME.

YOU KNOWWHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT,

NO ARMS,NO SEPARATED LEGS,

JUST A FAT BASEAT THE BOTTOM,

HEADLESS WITH A HOLLOW NECK ANDBODY, FILLED WITH CORN SYRUP.

RETURN HER IN MICHIGAN,AND YOU GET FIVE CENTS.

I GUESS WHAT I'M TRYINGTO SAY IS THAT

I THINK HIP-HOP MUSICSOMETIMES CAN BE--

AND I DON'T KNOW IF THEREARE ANY LADIES IN THE AUDIENCE

THAT AGREE WITH ME,BUT IT CAN BE

A LITTLE BIT OBJECTIFYINGSOMETIMES, AM I RIGHT?

[women cheering]

SHUT UP, BITCHES.THE MEN ARE TALKIN'.

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