Uncensored - Kumail Nanjiani - Too Young for Porn Pt. 2

Kumail Nanjiani: Beta Male Season 1, Ep 101 07/20/2013 Views: 6,871

Kumail Nanjiani saw something at an early age that affects his view of the world to this day. (2:10)

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All right. Here's a weirdside note to that story.

We've known each other,it gets weird

for a little bit,so we're okay with that?

Getting weird for a second?[cheers and applause]

All right.

So it's a regular porn,you know,

beginning to end,men, women.

You know what a porn is.

But the preview before--

There's a two-minute previewfor a different porn before it.

And I don't knowhow else to say it,

but it's for a previewfor a porn

where the peopledefecate on each other.

- Yeah!

[laughter]

- Uh, security,can we, uh--

There is a monsterin the room.

Other than you,everybody was very awkward,

and then you yelled,

and then everybodywas even more awkward.

I--'Cause, like,I was ten, you know?

It was too earlyfor me to see porn.

But it was definitely

way too early for meto realize that

people like her existed,you know?

[applause]

My favorite part though

is that it's a regular porn,

but that's the preview.

Like, they're like,"Do you like sex?

"Well, then you mightlike shitting on people.

"Do you likedriving a car?

"Well, then maybe you wantto drown in a submarine

that's on fire."

But I saw it so early

that now I thinkabout it a lot.

Not in, like,a sexual way.

But I think some synapsein my brain formed,

and now it's justa reference that comes up

in my life a lot.

Like, I'll see somebodyrun a red light,

and I'll be like,"He ran a red light,

but what do I know, sometimespeople shit on each other."

With red towelsin the background.

They had red towels.

'Cause they'rein the bathroom.

Even though they're not usingany of the facilities,

they're stillin the bath--

Like, we're stilla fucking civilization.

We're not horrific beasts.