Al Qaeda Meeting

Season 4 , Ep 11 12/10/14 Views: 90,072

An Al Qaeda member grills his associates on why they've been unable to blow up an airplane in over a decade. (4:06)

- BROTHERS.BROTHERS, LET US BEGIN.

I HAVE CONVENED THIS MEETINGTO FIND OUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING.

WHY HAVE WE NOT TAKEN A PLANEIN 13 YEARS?

- KHALIV.YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.

IT IS ALL BECAUSE THE CUNNINGAND MIGHTY TSA

IS ALWAYS ONE STEP AHEAD OF US.

- I DO NOT BELIEVE IT!- IT'S TRUE.

LAST MONTH,I ATTEMPTED TO TAKE DOWN A PLANE

WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORSFIVE INCHES LONG.

- THAT SOUNDSLIKE A PERFECT PLAN.

WHY DID IT NOT WORK?

- BECAUSE THE SHREWD TSA,

THEY MADE RESTRICTIONS

SO YOU CAN ONLYTAKE A FOUR-INCH SCISSORS.

FOUR INCHES.- WHAT?

- YEAH.

- HOW COULD THEY KNOWTHAT A FIVE-INCH BLADE

IS A DANGEROUS WEAPONAND A FOUR-INCH BLADE

IS NO MORETHAN A CHILD'S PLAY THING?

- THAT IS THE GENIUS OF TSA.

THEY FOIL US AT EVERY TURN.

- DEVILS!

- YOU KNOW, IT'S THE SAME WAYWITH THE LIQUID.

- OH, YEAH.

- WE ALL KNOWHOW MUCH DEVASTATION

WE CAN WREAK WITH 3.5 OUNCESOF LIQUID.

- THE--THE DAMAGEIS INCALCULABLE.

- THE CRAFTY TSA,

THEY HAVE LIMITED PASSENGERSTO ONLY 3.4 OUNCES.

- DAMN IT!

- YEAH.

- DO NONE OF YOUHAVE THE SOLUTION HOW--

FOR US TO THWART THIS TSA?

- KHALIV, KHALIV.

IT'S LIKE YOU'VE BEENLIVING IN A--WELL, HERE.

LOOK...THE TSA,THEY STRIKE FEAR INTO MY HEART

WITH THEIR POLYESTER SHIRTS

AND THEIR DISPOSABLE RUBBERGLOVES.

AND THE--AND THE--THE SNEAKER SHOES!

- THEY ARE SO CLEVER.

- CLEVER.- YES.

THEY--THEY ACT AS IF THEY ARELISTLESS, OVERWEIGHT EMPLOYEES

WHO DON'T GIVE A FUCK.

WHEN IN REALITY,

THEY ARE AN ELITE FORCEOF ANTI-TERRORIST COMMANDOS!

- OH, CURSE THE BRILLIANT TSA.

- IF I MAY.

I BELIEVE I HAVE A WAYTO TRIUMPH OVER THE WILY TSA.

- FINALLY.- OKAY.

- LET'S GIVE HIM A SHOT.

- I HAVE A PLANTO PUT A BOMB IN A LAPTOP,

AND IT WILL DETONATEONCE YOU PULL IT FROM ITS CASE.

- YES!YES, IT IS PERFECT!

PLANES WILL RAIN DOWNFROM THE SKY ONTO THE INFIDELS!

[all chanting and singing]

WHAT?PARVEZ, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?

- S--S--SNEAK IN HEREFOR A SECOND, 'CAUSE I DON'T--

I DON'T WANT TO BE THE BEAREROF BAD NEWS HERE--

- THEN DON'T BE!- YET YOU ARE.

- IT'S AS IF THE PROPHETICAND ALL-KNOWING TSA

HAS PREDICTED YOUR PLAN.

THEY MAKE YOU TAKE THE LAPTOPOUT OF THE CARRYING CASE

AND PUT IT IN A SEPARATE BINBEFORE YOU GET ON THE PLANE.

- COME ON,YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME, PARVEZ?

'CAUSE IT'S NOT A FUNNY JOKEIF IT'S A JOKE.

- IT'S NO TIME FOR KIDDING.I WOULDN'T KID.

- OH, MY GOD.- NO.

- I CANNOT BELIEVETHESE MOTHERS OF DEVILS.

- YEAH.

- WELL, VERY WELL, THEN.

SINCE YOU HAVE ALL FAILED,

I WILL TELL YOU HOW WEWILL DESTROY THE NONBELIEVERS.

I HAVE DEVELOPEDTHE SMALLEST BOMB POSSIBLE.

AND IT FITS PERFECTLY INTO THIS,

A FULL-SIZED TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE.

YES!IT'S REALLY GREAT, ISN'T IT?

I MEAN, IT'S THE--- DON'T DO HIM LIKE THAT.

- WHAT'S GOING ON OVER HERE?

WHAT'S THE SITUATION OVER HERE?

- OKAY.

IS THERE A VERSIONOF THE TOOTHPASTE BOMB

THAT COMES IN TRAVEL-SIZE?

- YOU KNOW WHAT?IT'S LIKE THEY'RE IN OUR HEADS.

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