President Trump Tangles with Foreign Leaders

February 2, 2017 - Blair Underwood 02/02/2017 Views: 149,097

Straining relationships with key U.S. allies, President Trump threatens to invade Mexico and hangs up on the prime minister of Australia after a heated phone call. (7:29)

Watch Full Episode

Anyway, let's move onand talk about some global news.

You know, it's been so chaotichere in America

dealing with Trump'sbull (bleep) that you forget

there's a whole world out there

also dealingwith Trump's bull (bleep).

-(laughter)-You can't escape the man.

And it's not like

the world doesn't have problemsof its own.

For instance, in Germany,they're worried

about Russians interferingwith their elections now,

but instead of focusing on that,

poor Angela Merkel hadto spend her precious time

explaining to Trump that hecouldn't refuse refugees in need

because of a thing calledthe "Geneva Convention."

Yeah, she had to explain thatto a president,

which is a waste of her time.

And that's German time,so you know it's extra precious.

-(laughter) -Yeah. No, it is.It's super precious.

Like, in terms of value,it goes Swiss time,

-German time, Hammer time.That's... that's it. -(laughter)

And Hammer timeis extremely valuable

-because there's not any left.-(audience groaning)

It's just one of those things.

But it's happeningall over the world.

In Britain,Prime Minister Theresa May

is struggling with Brexit,

but because of Trump,who wants to meet the queen,

she has to spend time schoolinghim on royal protocols,

teaching Trumpon how to meet the queen.

(with English accent):"Rule one, Donald--

it's not okayto grab the queen's pussy."

(laughter, groaning, applause)

Or as the queen calls it,"The Grey Corgi."

(laughter)

Now, now, as irritatingas those Trump problems may be,

at least they're side issues.

For some countries,Trump is problem numero uno.

NEWSMAN: Fighting with friends.

President Trump escalatinghis fight with Mexico...

President Trump threatenedto use U.S. military force

to halt Mexico's drug trade.

He reportedly said he's readyto send U.S. troops to stop

what he calls, quote,"bad hombres down there."

-(laughter)-Hey, hey.

Look on the bright side--Trump's learning Spanish.

(laughter)

You know, this storyis why you have to appreciate

every now moment.

Remember a week ago?We were freaking out

because Trump was startinga trade war?

And now we're freaking outbecause he's starting a war war?

Now we're like, "Oh, man,I miss the old Trump."

-(laughter)-Although, although to be fair,

this is not, like,exactly an escalation,

uh, you know,this whole invasion.

Because, let's be honest,America already invades Mexico

-every spring break.-(laughter)

Yeah, and these people,by the way,

who go down to Mexico,they're bringing drugs,

they're bringing crime,they're rapists...

and some, I assume,are good people.

(laughter)

-I've heard. I assume.-(whooping, applause)

And-and-and don't get me wrong,don't get me wrong.

Of course,Trump and his administration

aren't just making new enemies,they're also rebooting old ones.

The White House is raisingthe stakes with Iran.

National Security AdvisorMichael Flynn

lashing out at the Iranians

for conducting a recent missile test.

President Trumphas severely criticized

the various agreements reachedbetween Iran

and the Obama administration.

Instead of being thankfulto the United States

in these agreements,Iran is now feeling emboldened.

As of today, we are officiallyputting Iran on notice.

Holy (bleep).

Iran is officially on notice.

Do you know what that means?

-Actually, nobody knowswhat it means. -(laughter)

Yeah. But it's provocative.It gets the people going.

(singing melody)

There's no such thingas "officially being on notice."

That's the oppositeof "official."

Like, you can't just say,"You're on notice."

Flynn sounds less like a general

and more likean Atlanta housewife. You know?

Iran caused a sceneat my dinner party,

so she officially on notice.

Bloop!

(laughter)

That's not a thing.

But let's-let's be honest,though.

None of this isreally a surprise.

If you were guessing who Trumpwould be heading to war with

two weeks into his presidency,

we would have probablypicked Mexico, uh,

and we probablywould have had Iran.

But who would you have hadas a third? Think about it.

No, no, try again, try again.

No, no, another country.Try again.

A-Anoth... Like, you wantto go way down on your list.

The president is also takinga hard line with Australia,

reportedly slammingthe prime minister

during a phone call...

NEWSMAN: ...a shouting match between him

and Australia's prime minister...

NEWSWOMAN: ...accusing him of trying to send the U.S.

the next Boston Bombers, referring to an agreement

to send 1,250 refugees here.

Mr. Trump hanging up after just 25 minutes...

Who picks a fightwith Koala Island?

(laughter)

It's one of America's closestand chillest allies, people.

Their catchphrase is literally,"No worries."

But Trump picked a fightwith them.

And an hour after the fight,he tweeted...

-(laughter, applause)-Now...

(audience whooping)

Can I just say...can I just say...

you have to besome kind of genius

to pack so much wronginto just 140 characters.

First of all, how do you knowit's a dumb deal

if you haven't studied it yet?

Like, maybe next timeyou want to study the deal

before you get on the phonewith a foreign leader

and (bleep) on him.

And also,they're not illegal immigrants.

They're refugees.They're refugees

that the U.S. madea legal agreement to accept.

In Trump's mind, everyone in theworld is an illegal immigrant.

Everyone. Yeah, theyjust haven't come over yet.

(like Trump): People in Africa,illegal immigrants.

People in Austra... everyone'san illegal immigrant!

-It's happening.-(laughter)

So, the question is,how'd this all happen?

I talked to oneadministration official

who said, look at the contextof his schedule, of his day.

He talked to five world leaderson Saturday, last Saturday,

at the end of a long weekin the White House,

and they said simply,

by the time he got to theAustralian phone call,

he was a little fatigued.

(laughter)

So Trump damaged relations

with a key strategic ally

because he missed nap time?

That is the cutest,most terrifying excuse

I have ever heard.

And it makes sensebecause toddlers are tyrants

and now you understand Trump.

I mean, it all makes sense.

I thought Trump was supposedto be the high-energy candidate.

Stamina was his thing, remember?

That's what he said.

Yeah, you think Jeb Bushgets cranky on phone calls?

No, because no one calls him.

No one.

But my point stands.

When you've got Australiathinking that you're an asshole,

then maybe it's time for youto ask the question,

is Trump really goingto make America first,

or is he just goingto make America alone?

The signs aren't good,

especially if Trump's leakedAustralia phone call

is anything to go by.

(man imitating Turnbull):

(man imitating Trump):

(man imitating Turnbull):

(man imitating Trump):

(dial tone)