Bill Dwyer - Life Insurance Policy

  • Season 5 , Ep 11
  • 09/09/2001
  • Views: 1,789

Bill Dwyer wonders if he or his wife will outlive the other. (1:47)

10 YEARS NOW.

AND, UM...

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

THANK YOU FOR THAT APPLAUD.

OH, PLEASE.

NOW I CAN CALL MY WIFE AND GO,

"HEY, BABY, ABOUT HALF THE

HUDSON THEATRE THINKS WE SHOULD

KEEP THE JOYLESSNESS GOING,

LET'S KEEP STOKING THE COALS ON

THAT HELL-TRAIN WHAT DO YA SAY?

(LAUGHTER)

MY WIFE AND I JUST TOOK

LIFE INSURANCE POLICIES OUT ON

ONE ANOTHER, SO NOW IT'S JUST

A WAITING GAME.

WHO'S GONNA BE THE FIRST ONE

TO EXPERIENCE, CERTAINLY

TREMENDOUS SORROW, COUPLED WITH

A SWEET CHUNK OF CHANGE!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

"HEY, BIL, SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT

YOUR DEAD WIFE."

"YES.

LET'S REMINISCE ABOUT HER...

IN MY NEW CAMERO!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

THAT'S A T-TOP.

THE WIND WILL DRY OUR TEARS.

LET'S RIDE!"

AND I GOT SINGLE FRIENDS,

YOU KNOW, I HANG OUT WITH

A LOT OF SINGLE FRIENDS,

AND THEY TALK A GOOD GAME BUT

THEY DON'T FOLLOW THROUGH THEM.

"OH, BIL, YOU WITH YOUR WIFE

AND YOUR KIDS, I WOULD GIVE

ANYTHING TO TRADE PLACES WITH

YOU.

ALL RIGHT.

A DOLLAR?

CAN OF POP?

A HERSHEY'S KISS?

I DON'T CARE.

JUST GET OVER THERE,

THEY'RE ALL MAD AT ME AGAIN.

AND I GOT ONE SINGLE FRIEND

WHO'S REALLY HIGH-TECH,

HE USES A LASER POINTER TO POINT

OUT THE ATTRACTIVE WOMEN AT THE

BARS.

"HEY, CHECK OUT THAT ONE OVER

THERE."

"WHICH ONE?"

"THE ONE HOLDING HER EYE."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

"YEAH, SHE'S WINKING AT YA...

PERMANENTLY.

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