Scott Kennedy - Opening for Male Strippers

  • Season 8 , Ep 28
  • 06/10/2004
  • Views: 1,744

Sometimes when you perform in Vegas, it's not in a comedy club. (2:08)

DRESSED, APPROPRIATELY DRESSED.

I WAS IN VEGAS LAST WEEK, AND--

OH, MY GOD.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

THIS IS NEW YORK CITY.

YOU GUYS GOT A LOTTA TOURISTS,

TOO.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT TOURISTS

YOU CAN ALWAYS SPOT úEM?

LIKE, TWO OF úEM THAT YOU JUST

REALLY WANNA WALK UP TO AND GO,

"PSST, COME HERE.

[LAUGHTER]

NO, RUN TO ME QUICKLY NOW.

COME HERE.

OKAY.

IF YOU CAN'T WEAR WHAT YOU

HAVE ON IN YOUR HOMETOWN...

[LAUGHTER]

[APPLAUSE]

I ENJOY LAS VEGAS VERY, VERY

MUCH.

MOST OF Y'ALL HAVE PROBABLY

BEEN THERE.

IT'S FUN.

LAST WEEK, I WAS NOT IN A

COMEDY CLUB SHOWROOM.

ONCE IN A WHILE YOU GET ASKED

TO OPEN UP FOR A BIG SHOW.

THEY WANTED A COMIC TO DO

20 MINUTES IN FRONT OF MALE

STRIPPERS.

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH.

UM-- AND WE SHARED A DRESSING

ROOM TOGETHER.

AND OH, MY GOD.

OH, MY GOD.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY.

I SAW THINGS THERE I'VE NEVER

SEEN BEFORE IN MY LIFE.

AND I'M A FULL-GROWN ADULT MALE.

I, AH...

AND WHEN I SAY SHARED A

DRESSING ROOM, DON'T GET THE

WRONG IDEA.

WE WERE NEVER IN THE DRESSING

ROOM AT THE SAME TIME, 'CAUSE

IF THEY WERE ON STAGE, I WAS

BACKSTAGE, OR VICE VERSA.

BUT I SAW THINGS BACK THERE THAT

I GUESS I COULD TELL YOU ABOUT

WHICH I EXPECTED TO SEE,

A LOT OF BABY OIL, RIGHT,

'CAUSE THEY'RE MALE STRIPPERS.

THEY GET HALF-NAKED.

THEY SQUIRT THE BABY OIL ON,

IT GLISTENS IN THE LIGHTS,

IT LOOKS FABULOUS.

I WAS THINKING ABOUT DOING IT

TONIGHT, TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,

BUT ANYWAY.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU GUYS ARE GOING, "THANK GOD

HE DIDN'T DO IT.

I GOTTA BE HOME..."

HERE'S WHERE IT GETS WEIRD.

ON WEDNESDAY, THEY RAN OUT OF

BABY OIL.

I SHOW UP ON THURSDAY NIGHT.

THERE'S NO BABY OIL.

ALL THERE IS, IS THIS BIG,

YELLOW TUB.

I SWEAR TO GOD, ON THE TOP OF

IT, IT SAID, "BODY BUTTER."

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT THE HECK'S BODY BUTTER,

YOU KNOW?

TASTES LIKE CRAP.

I'LL TELL YOU THAT RIGHT--

IT'S AWFUL.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

IT'S NASTY.

THERE'S LITTLE HAIRS IN IT.

IT'S GROSS.

Audience: OH!

Scott Kennedy: I KNOW.

I TOLD YOU IT WAS NASTY.

YOU CAN'T "OH!" THAT.

BUT I WAS BACK THERE ALONE WITH

A PIECE OF TOAST TO FIGURE OUT,

"WHO'S GONNA KNOW?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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