Cathy Ladman - Scary Noises

Cathy Ladman & Barry Sobel Season 1, Ep 62 02/24/1992 Views: 2,392

Cathy hears noises when she's alone in bed. (2:22)

I HATE BEING A GROWN-UP.

I LIVE BY MYSELF.

NOW, HOW MANY PEOPLELIVE ALONE HERE?

( mild applause )

DO YOU LIKE IT?

DO YOU LIKE IT OKAY?

I GET SO SCARED AT NIGHT.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I'M AFRAIDTO WASH MY FACE AT NIGHT

WHEN I'M BY MYSELF

BECAUSE I THINK AS SOONAS I GET SOAP IN MY EYES

THE KILLER IS GOING TO GET ME.

HE'S STANDING BEHINDTHE BATHROOM DOOR

"SHE'S GOT THE SOAPIN HER EYES-- NOW!"

SO NOW I HEAR THESE NOISES.

I DO THE STUPIDEST THING.

I CALL MY MOTHER.

SHE GOES, "OH, DON'T WORRY.

THE HOUSE IS JUST SETTLING."

RIGHT, THE HOUSE IS SETTLING.

SEE, THIS IS WHAT MY FATHER TOLDHER HIS ENTIRE LIFE

SO HE WOULDN'T HAVETO FIX THINGS.

YOU KNOW, BEAMS ARE FALLINGOUT OF THE ATTIC.

"OH, DON'T WORRY, THE HOUSEIS SETTLING, ON YOUR HEAD."

SO I'M HOME

AND I KEEP HEARING ALL THESECREAKS AND SQUEAKS.

I'M GETTING REALLY NERVOUSSO I FIGURE I'LL WATCH TV

THAT WILL SOOTHE MEAND THEN I'LL GO TO SLEEP.

SO NOW I'M WATCHING HUSH, HUSH, SWEET CHARLOTTE

WITH BETTE DAVIS.

I MEAN, IT IS SCARY ENOUGH

TO SEE THIS WOMAN WEARINGTHAT MUCH LIPSTICK AT ONE TIME

MUCH LESS WITH AN AXEIN HER HAND.

SO I WATCH THE WHOLE MOVIE,EVERYBODY'S DEAD.

I FIGURE, GREAT,THE MOVIE'S OVER.

I'LL GO TO SLEEP NOW.

RIGHT-- SO I CHECKTHE CLOSETS 12 TIMES.

THOROUGHLY.

I LOOK IN THE POCKETS, INTHE SHOE BOXES, TAMMY'S HOUSE.

EVERY PLACE THAT BETTE DAVISCOULD POSSIBLY BE.

PUT A CHAIR AGAINSTTHE FRONT DOOR, I GET INTO BED

I PULL THE SHEETS UP TO MY CHIN.

I'M LYING IN BED

MY EYES ARE WIDE OPEN JUSTIN CASE ANYONE'S WATCHING.

AND THEN EVERY FIVE SECONDSI WOULD HEAR THIS SOUND.

( whistles )

( whistles )

( whistles )

AND THEN I REALIZED THATMY NOSE WAS WHISTLING.

( laughter )

I WAS SO EMBARRASSED.

I WANTED BETTE DAVIS TO KILL ME THEN, I REALLY DID.