- [Announcer] Ladies andgentlemen, Jared Logan!
- [Jared] My pre-show ritual is that I listen to the song
One Day by the HasidicJewish rapper Matisyahu.
We did that today, didn't we Kara?
- [Kara] It's true.
- We listen to it, and I'll listen to it
one more time before I go out.
It's a very peaceful song about
one day all of the children being free,
which is something Iam very much interested
in making happen in the world.
That's the kind of person I am, as a man.
I'm not like the type of boyfriend who likes
"I like a man cave and my tools."
I'm like the type of boyfriend who likes
to try different exoticbutters with you,
do you know what I mean?
"That's a strawberry butter, I like it!"
I'm like your gay friend who fucks you,
that's what I'm like.
When I was single and I was doing comedy,
I always hoped that hot girls would come up and talk to me.
But the guys that always came up to me after shows
were like, "You were wrong about that
one detail about Star Trek."
I'm an actor, okay? It's what I do.
I create facial expressions that make you feel something.
That's my skill.
I don't really look for signs that it's a bad crowd,
I kinda look for any signs that it's a good crowd.
Yeah, more! You give me power! (crowd laughs)
- You're a Kennedy conspiracy theorist.
- If you're a conspiracy nut,
you're going to love this special.
'Cause we go deep into the Gnomes of Zürich,
the Illuminati,- Yeah.
- what happened with Building 7?
"Do apples cause cancer?" Is something
that I talk about a lot.
I found a hot dog that someone
had eaten like an ear of corn.
Just chewing off the outer skin
to leave a slobbery, meaty core.
And this is the story of the biggest laugh I ever got.
I got up on stage and I said,
"Hey, I'm staying at the Sugarloaf Inn,
and the students went 'What?! Woah!"
They cheered and thoughtthat was hilarious.
I go, "There's some kindof stain on my floor."
(Jared imitates crowd laughing)
And then just to see howsilly and easy it was
to make these people laugh,
I said, "I think it might be dick blood."
And I got the biggest laugh
I've ever gotten in my entire career.
So that is what being a comedian is about.
Smart, edgy material that questions power.
Or dick blood.
- Dick blood.