...over the courseof about 12 hours yesterday,
we saw what a messthis race has become,
and also, how luckythe two nominees are
because what's now clearis that both Hillary Clinton
and Donald Trump are runningagainst the only person
who they could possibly beat.
So, so, let's start off,let's start off
with madam secretaryat Yahoo.com.
Yesterday FBI DirectorJames Comey announced
that Hillary Clintonwould not be prosecuted
for her e-mail scandal,despite the fact that
just about everything she's toldus about it for the past year
has been a lie.
For example,last year she said this.
I did not e-mail any, um,
classified material to anyoneon my e-mail.
110 e-mails in 52 e-mail chainshave been determined
by the owning agency to containclassified information
at the time they were sentor received.
Okay, okay, that's-that's...
that's pretty bad,that's pretty bad.
I responded right awayand provided all my e-mails
that could possiblybe work-related.
The FBI also discovered severalthousand work-related e-mails
that were not among the groupof 30,000 e-mails
returned by Secretary Clinton.
We went througha thorough process to identify
all of my work-related e-mails.
Lawyers doing the sortingfor Secretary Clinton in 2014
did not individually read thecontent of all of her e-mails.
I thought it would be easierto carry just one device.
She also used numerousmobile devices.
There were no security breaches.
It is possible that hostileactors gained access
to Secretary Clinton'spersonal e-mail account.
Did Hillary tell the truthabout anything?!
I feel like the next timeI hear her say,
(imitating Hillary):"I'm Hillary Clinton
and I approve this message,"
the FBI director's gonna pop out
and be like, "Her real nameis Philip G. Mackadoo."
Why, Hillary, why?
You do understandthat your lies have besmirched
the Clinton name,a name synonymous with integ...
You know what, that's notthe point, you just...
That's not the point,the point is...
the point is (bleep).
That's the point.
The cornerstone of Hillary'sentire campaign has been
the idea that she'sthe responsible candidate,
sound judgment,disciplined, dependable.
Hillary Clinton is basicallythe Volkswagen of candidates.
She's the efficient, practicalchoice that's been in the game
for years and now,just like Volkswagen,
turns out there'sa whole lot of (bleep)
she's been hiding from us.
Come on, Hillary!
You know, in any normal race
this would be fatalfor a campaign.
And so last night,at his own speech,
all Donald Trump had to dois put the final nail
in the coffin.
All he had to dowas focus on Hillary.
Saddam Husseinwas a bad guy, right?
He was a bad guy.
Really bad guy.
But you know what he did well?
He killed terrorists.
He did that so good.
They didn't read him the rights.
They didn't talk.
They were terrorists,it was over.
Yo, can...can I ask you guys a fa...
Is this, like, a prank?
Are you playing a prank on me?
What the (bleep), dude?
This was your chanceto bury Hillary.
This is not the timeto praise Saddam Hussein.
To be honest,I don't know when the time is
to praise Saddam Hussein,but I do know
that this is not the time.
Yes, yes, yes,
Saddam Husseinkilled terrorists.
Yes, Saddam Husseinkilled terrorists.
You know who else he killed?
If you kill everyone, you'rebound to kill some terrorists.
Saddam was also really hardon dry cleaners, schoolteachers.
Are you gonnapraise him for that too?
Like, who are you?
How is one party's nomineefor president
praising a mass murderer,people?
You know... I-I don't know,I don't know...
I don't... I didn't thinkI'd ever say this, but, like,
you have to feel bad forthe Republicans at this point.
I bet at the end of every dayafter Paul Ryan
meets with Donald Trump, he'sdriving home, on the phone like,
"Hey, honey, yeah,I'm, uh, I'm coming home.
"Yeah, I-I think he's learnedhis lesson this time--
"no more dumb tweets, no morecrazy (bleep) in his speeches.
"Yeah, just... Hold on,hold on, I'm getting...
"I'm getting a text.I'm getting... All right, baby,
"you better start dinnerwithout me. You better
"start it without me.
I got to go back."
And by the way, by the way--
this was not a gaffe.
Because Donald Trump's beendown with Saddam for a while.
In fact, last yearthis is how he talked
about Saddam'suse of chemical weapons.
Saddam Husseinthrows a little gas,
everyone goes crazy."Oh, he's using gas."
Help me understand.
Is America really consideringelecting a man
who talks about war crimes
like he's on an episodeof Drunk History?
(slurring):You know, Saddam Hussein,
he-he throws a little gas,
everybody goes crazy.
Oh, he's using gason the region,
Oh, we're destabled now.
All right, maybe...maybe it's just me,
but I think alarm bellsshould be going off
when a potential leaderrepeatedly praises
Donald Trump praisingthe leadership style
of Vladimir Putin.
Donald Trump was actuallykind of praising Kim Jong-un.
You got to give him credit.He wiped out the uncle,
he wiped out this one, that one.
I mean, this guydoesn't play games.
If we had Gaddafi in charge,
instead of having terrorismall over the place,
we'd be...At least they killed terrorists.
You retweeted somebodyfrom @ilduce2016.
It was a Mussolini quote.
Look, Mussolini was Mussolini,it's okay to g...
It's a very good quote.
You want to be associatedwith a fascist?
No, I want to be associatedwith interesting quotes.
(audience laughing, applauding)
you want to be...
associated withinteresting quotes?
You don't want to be president.
You want a teenager'sInstagram account.
That's what you want.
So, look, America,
this is where you are.
or a traffic conesoaked in raw sewage.
Those are your choices.
A real Sophie's choice, really.
If Sophie hatedboth of her kids.
Uh...Can I be honest with you guys?
Can I be honest with you?Can I...
-AUDIENCE: Yeah.-All right. And you can
kick me out of the countryafter I've said it,
but I'm-I'm just gonna be honestwith you and say this.
Maybe you shouldn'thave an election.
No, maybe you shouldn't havean election.
-(cheering, applause)-Not now. Not now.
Because right now,right now America looks like
it's getting into a marriageit's going to regret.
And everyone can seethat this is a bad idea.
And I-I get it, look, I get it--
you've got... you've goteverything scheduled.
You've got the wedding...the wedding planned, you know?
you've invited everybody over.
You've spent an enormousamount of money.
But I'm gonna be that assholefriend who tells you like it is.
Maybe you need to call it off.
Do not go throughwith this wedding.
Because I'm telling you,two years from now,
you're gonna see your ex walkingdown the street and think,
"Man, I didn't realize
how good I had it."