Nah, genetics didn'twork out for me,
so that's why Iam a comic.
I figured my optionswere comedian,
softball coach or UPS driver.
I'm like,"Which one do I choose?!"
I picked comedy becauseI don't look good in brown.
That's not my color.
I do want to letyou guys to know
my drink, it's right there,
in case you wanted to roofie me.
I went to a women's college
where, like, the first monthof my freshman year
they had a seminar on date rapelike every week.
It gets funnier, I promise.
And their only advice was, uh...
their only advice to us iswhenever we went to a party
and we had a drink in our hand
and some dude cameanywhere near our vicinity,
all they told us to dowas take our hand
and put it over our drinkand go,
Guys would run away, like,"What the (bleep)?"
And it worked, too.
We never got laid.
And if you think about it,
it's only hot peoplethat get pissed off
about being roofied.
Every time I go to a bar,
I'm like,"My drink's in the corner.
It's completely unattended."