Marc Maron - Midair Shenanigans

Leo Allen, Al Jackson, Sheng Wang, Marc Maron Season 3, Ep 3 08/03/2012 Views: 20,510

Marc Maron would like his near death experience acknowledged. (3:05)

ALL RIGHT, SO LOOK. WE GET OUTFROM UNDER THE STORM, OKAY?

AND, YOU KNOW,I CAN FEEL THE PILOT FLYING.

YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THATI'VE CREATED A CHARACTER

FOR THIS PILOTTHAT IN MY MIND

WHAT HAPPENED WAS THE TOWERSAID TO HIM,

"YOU CAN'T LAND IN CLEVELAND.

YOU HAVE TO DIVERTTO ANOTHER AIRPORT."

AND MY PILOT SAID,"I'M NOT DOING THAT.

I GOT THIS."

AND THEN SHUT HIS RADIO OFF.

THAT WAS MY PILOT.

SO HE GETS OUTFROM UNDER THE STORM,

AND HE JUST STARTSCIRCLING CLEVELAND.

YOU COULD FEEL HIM FLYING.YOU KNOW, I COULD FEEL IT.

I LOOK OVER TO THE WOMAN OVERTHERE AND I SAID,

"HE'S TAKING A VICTORY LAP.

WE ALMOST DIED UP THERE.AM I RIGHT?

DID WE ALMOST DIE OR WHAT?"

AND SHE RIGHTFULLY SAID,"I DON'T KNOW."

I'M INTENSE,YOU KNOW, IT HAPPENS.

AND THEN I MADE THE MISTAKEOF ASKING THIS QUESTION,

I SAID,"SO I HAD MY EARPHONES ON,

WAS EVERYBODY SCREAMING?"

AND SHE SAID,"NO, JUST YOU TWO GUYS."

(laughter)

SO NOW I GOT A BONDWITH THIS GUY.

LIKE, "WE DID THE RIGHT THING,MAN, YOU KNOW,

IT WAS A HUMAN RESPONSE.

THESE PEOPLEARE EMOTIONALLY NUMB.

THEY'RE...THEY'RE DEAD INSIDE.

OUR CULTURE DOES THAT TO THEM.

WE'RE ALIVE.WE'RE PRESENT."

SO THE PILOT LANDS THE PLANE,AND I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,

BUT IF I'M IN A SITUATIONWHERE I ALMOST DIE,

I WANT IT TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED.

I WANT IT TO BE ADDRESSED.

I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHATI EXPECTED HIM TO SAY.

WAS HE GONNA GET ONTHE INTERCOM AND GO,

"OH, MAN,IS EVERYBODY OKAY?

OH, MY GOD, THAT WAS AWFUL.THE COPILOT IS STILL CRYING.

AND I DON'T THINK I'M GONNABE ABLE TO FLY AGAIN.

I'M JUST NOT CUT OUTFOR IT ANYMORE.

OH, GOD I LOVE MY FAMILY."I DIDN'T GET THAT.

WHAT I GOT WAS," WELCOME TO CLEVELAND.

THE LOCAL TIME IS 12:06."

SO THEN I'M LIKE,"NO, SCREW THAT.

YOU PUT US ALL THROUGHSOMETHING UP THERE.

YOU GAMBLED WITH OUR LIVES,

AND I'M GONNA GIVEYOU A PIECE OF MY MIND."

AND I GET UP AND I'M IN THE BACKOF THE PLANE, AND I'M LIKE,

I CAN JUST FEEL LIKE MY THOUGHTSCONVERGING INTO A FIST

THAT'S GONNA COME RIGHT OUT OFMY FACE AND MAKE AN IMPACT.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHATIT WAS GONNA BE,

BUT I KNEWI WAS GONNA SAY SOMETHING.

I SEE THE CABIN DOORS OPEN.

I SEE EPAULETTES BUSY.

YOU KNOW, PACKINGTHOSE OVERSIZE BRIEFCASES

WITH IMPORTANT THINGS,AND I'M MOVING DOWN,

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENEDTO MY NERVE,

BUT BY THE TIME I GOT TOTHE SORT OF THE COCKPIT DOOR,

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED.

I LEAN IN AND THIS IS WHATCAME OUT OF MY FACE,

"DID YOU GUYS HAVE FUNUP THERE?"

WHAT AM I,REPRIMANDING CHILDREN?

WITH YOU MID-AIR SHENANIGANS.

SHAME ON YOU.

IT SCARED ME IN HERE.