Reno Collier - Mexican Women

CC Presents: Reno Collier Season 9, Ep 6 03/03/2005 Views: 8,084

Reno Collier loves Mexican women -- a lot. (3:12)

I'M GONNA TELL YOU GUYS

THIS STORY.

I NORMALLY DON'T EVEN TALK ABOUT

THIS BUT I THINK IT'S FUNNY.

I WENT TO ONE OF THESE

LIBERAL ARTS, TOUCHY FEELY,

HUGGY SCHOOLS YA KNOW WHERE LIKE

UH, I HAD THIS ONE CLASS THAT

IF I FAILED IT, I WAS GONNA

FAIL OUT FOR SCHOOL FOR GOOD.

AND MY TEACHER, SHE WAS

AN ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVIST.

SHE RAN A DOG SHELTER.

LIKE IF YOU DIDN'T DO YOUR

HOMEWORK, YOU BROUGHT IN

DOG FOOD, SHE GAVE YOU

EXTRA CREDIT, RIGHT.

SHE LOVED DOGS MORE THAN PEOPLE.

SO I WENT OUT AND I GOT DRUNK

AND I OVER SLEPT AND MISSED

MY FINAL EXAM.

AND I'M LIKE, I'M DONE FOR GOOD

YA KNOW AND I WAS LIKE,

WAIT A MINUTE, THERE'S GOT TO BE

SOMETHING I CAN DO RIGHT?

SO I GO RUNNING UP TO HER

OFFICE, I'M LIKE, "DR. SULLIVAN,

LISTEN..."

SHE GOES, "RENO, I DON'T WANT

TO HEAR IT.

I'M SICK OF YOUR EXCUSES.

YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL THIS EXAM,

YOU SKIPPED IT, YOU'RE FAILING

THE CLASS AND I'M DONE WITH

YOU!"

AND I WAS LIKE "YOU WAIT

A MINUTE AND YOU LISTEN TO ME!

I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT LONG

STUDYING FOR YOUR STUPID EXAM.

I GOT FIFTEEN MINUTES OF SLEEP.

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING,

I GRABBED MY PENCILS, I GRABBED

MY NOTES, I GOT IN MY CAR,

I BACKED UP AND I RAN OVER

MY NEIGHBOR'S DOG."

[LAUGHTER]

"TIMOTHY'S SEVEN YEARS OLD,

HE SAW ME RUN OVER HIS ANIMAL,

I COULDN'T JUST LEAVE I THERE.

WE TOOK IT BEHIND THE APARTMENT

COMPLEX, GAVE IT A PROPER

BURIAL.

I EXPLAINED TO HIM THAT ALL DOGS

GO TO HEAVEN.

WE CAME BACK TO MY APARTMENT,

HAD A POPSICLE.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF YOU THINK YOUR CLASS IS MORE

IMPORTANT THAN THE FEELINGS OF

THAT BOY AND THE LIFE OF THAT

ANIMAL, I SHOULD HAVE NEVER

TAKEN YOUR CLASS!"

B!

YA KNOW.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

COLLEGE WAS A BLAST UH,

I'M GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING

UM...

THIS IS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED

TO ME.

A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK I'M CRAZY

AND I'M MAKING IT UP OR WHATEVER

BUT LIKE SIX MONTHS AGO I WAS

ABDUCTED BY ALIENS.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S NOT FUNNY.

THEY BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF ME

AND I COULDN'T GET AWAY, I DON'T

SPEAK SPANISH!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THAT TAKES SOME BALLS TO SAY

THAT IN NEW YORK CITY, MAN,

I'M PROUD OF MYSELF.

I'M JUST KIDDING BY THE WAY,

TOO.

I LOVE HISPANIC PEOPLE.

I'M JUST PLAYING.

I LOVE MEXICAN WOMEN A LOT.

[LAUGHTER]

OH WHEEEEW.

I DON'T KNOW ANY, BUT I HAVE

THE MEXICAN CHANNEL.

OHHHHH.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING

THEY'RE SAYING.

I WATCH THE SOAP OPERAS

ALL AFTERNOON, EVERY DAY.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GUYS

HAVE EVER SEEN THAT BEFORE

BUT THESE WOMEN COME ON THERE

AND THEY'RE JUST...

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

[LAUGHTER]

I'M LIKE, "I HEARD CHUNKY,

TALK TO ME, I LOVE YOU!"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I DO THAT EVERY DAY.

THAT IS MUST SEE TV RIGHT THERE.

I'M NOT KIDDING.

HA-HA!