Exclusive - Road to Roast Battle - Mike Lawrence vs. Scott Chaplain - Uncensored

Road to Roast Battle Season 1, Ep 1 07/24/2016 Views: 4,118

During an epic battle, Scott Chaplain and Mike Lawrence fire insults at each other about sexuality, looks, talent and death. (1:49)

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- Yo we're back!

Are we ready?

- Interesting play

- Yes!

Let's roast!

(bell dings)

- Alright!

Mike, Mike was uhh,

gay for a while,

and now he's married to a woman.

She loves everything about him,

especially his beard,

cause it's still smells like

other dudes' dicks.

(crowd laughing)

- Scott's dad was a cop who,

died in New Jersey.

He spent 59 years in the garden state,

and three weeks in a vegetative one.

(ohhh in crowd)

- At least I know

my dad's watching this from heaven.

Your dad won't even watch you

on Seth Meyers.

(laughs and applause)

Fucking, dude, anyway...

- So this is a guy who's biggest...

- No it's crazy,

listen, I have a joke now,

okay, thank you.

Umm.

- There's a first time for everything.

- Wow.

- All you do on stage is curse a bunch.

If I wanted my mouth to be

as filthy as yours,

I'd just have your sister sit on my face.

- Wowww!

- Mike has the posture,

of a lower case "r,"

and the income,

of a lower class "n."

(laughing)

- ha ha ha

- That's racism people.

- You know, Scott opens up for me

on the road a lot,

and it's crazy.

With my stomach sticking out,

my fucked up face,

and my scraggly beard.

You're still my worst feature.

(ohhh in crowd)

- One of 'em looks like

he knows how to make his own beer,

and the other one looks like

he knows how to make his own lube,

but I think I'm gonna give it to

Brooklyn Santa.

I think Brooklyn Santa knows

what he's doing.

- He was wearinga shirt that fit

before the show,

I swear to god.

- It looks like your navels

are saying wow.

- Ha ha ha

- I gotta go with Mike Lawrence.

- Yeah definitely.

- Although, I do think that the Seth Meyers joke

that Scotty told,

was the best joke of the battle.

Hands down.

Mike Lawrence, you're unstoppable.

Congratulations.

- Thank you man.

- Wow.

- Please make it up,

for Mike Lawrence!

Hug each other.