Lewis Black - Terrorist Threat

Lewis Black: In God We Rust Season 1, Ep 101 09/07/2012 Views: 21,866

Lewis Black doesn't think the Democrats and Republicans need to debate over who is better equipped to protect the American people. (3:45)

>> I HAD A REVELATION

THE CHRISTMAS BEFORE LAST.

IT OCCURRED WHEN A TERRORIST

GOT ON A PLANE WITH EXPLOSIVES

STRAPPED AROUND HIS [bleep]!

AND HIS MISSION WAS

TO BLOW UP...

DETROIT.

UH...

I WAS WAITING.

SOME OF YOU DIDN'T SEEM TO GET

THAT THAT WAS THE PUNCH LINE.

[laughter]

I MEAN, HE'D HAVE BEEN

HARD-PRESSED

TO FIND A BUILDING LEFT

TO BLOW UP.

IT'S UNBELIEVABLE TO ME.

I WONDERED FOR A LONG TIME,

YOU KNOW, WHY DETROIT?

AND IT WAS

JUST RECENTLY REVEALED

THAT HE WAS PLANNING

ON GOING TO HOUSTON OR CHICAGO,

BUT THAT THE TICKET TO DETROIT

WAS CHEAPER.

[laughter]

AS FRIGHTENING AS THAT WAS,

JUST AS FRIGHTENING

WAS WHAT OCCURRED

RIGHT AFTERWARDS.

IT OCCURS WHENEVER THERE'S

A TERRORIST THREAT OR ATTACK.

THE T.S.A.--HOMELAND SECURITY--

HAS A BREAKDOWN.

IT'S THE DEBATE

THAT GOES ON BETWEEN THE

DEMOCRATS AND THE REPUBLICANS

OVER WHICH PARTY

IS BETTER EQUIPPED

TO PROTECT US,

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE,

FROM TERRORISM.

IF YOU TRULY BELIEVE

THAT YOUR PARTY--

AFTER ALL THAT HAS TRANSPIRED--

THAT YOU BELIEVE

THAT YOUR PARTY

IS BETTER-EQUIPPED

THAN THE OTHER PARTY

TO PROTECT US FROM TERRORISM,

THEN YOU--AND I'M

SAYING THIS AS A FRIEND--

ARE [bleep] DELUSIONAL!

[cheers and applause]

THERE'S NOTHING TO BE DEBATED.

OKAY?

YOU BETTER [bleep] GET THAT NOW.

IF YOU--

IF YOU DON'T GET THIS--

IF YOU DON'T REALIZE

THAT BOTH PARTIES

HAVE A VESTED INTEREST

IN KEEPING US,

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, ALIVE,

THEN YOU'VE MISSED THE POINT.

THEY NEED US TO KEEP LIVING

SO THAT THOSE IDIOTS

WILL HAVE SOMEONE

TO [bleep] TALK TO,

BECAUSE IF WE DIE,

THEY WILL ONLY HAVE THEMSELVES

TO TALK TO,

AND THEN THEY WILL DIE.

[cheers and applause]

WHAT HAS TO HAPPEN

WHEN SOMETHING LIKE THAT OCCURS

IS THAT BOTH PARTIES

HAVE TO THEN

GO OFF TOGETHER AND DISCUSS

WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE.

IF THEY REALLY, DESPERATELY,

NEED TO DEBATE,

THEN EACH PARTY SHOULD

PICK SOMEONE

TO TELL US WHICH OF THEM

HAS THE BETTER NIPPLES.

WE DON'T HAVE TIME

FOR THAT DEBATE.

WHY?

BECAUSE WE AMERICANS

HAVE [bleep] TO DO.

[cheers and applause]