Richard Lewis - Basketball

Steve Shaffer & Randy Credico Season 1, Ep 0106 02/24/1992 Views: 3,415

Richard was the pointless guard on his basketball team. (1:36)

I ACTUALLY MADE ITIN MY CONTRACT

I HAVE TO SHOOT IN MY APARTMENT.

SAD, YOU KNOW.

I HAVEMY GRANDMOTHER'S CRINOLINE.

IT WAS IN MY APARTMENT, SHEJUMPED OFF THE CHRYSLER BUILDING

AND AS SHE WAS LEAPINGSHE THREW ME THIS, SO IT'S--

THIS IS IN MY LIVING ROOM.

NOT FUNNY, JUST SOMETHINGI WANTED TO SHARE

WITH FANS OF MINE.

YOU'RE A GREAT AUDIENCE.

I JUST SPIT ON YOUR FOREHEAD.

YOU CAN WIPE IT OFFWHENEVER YOU WANT TO.

I WASN'T LYING ABOUTTHE JEWISH CENTER LEAGUE.

EVERYTHING IN THAT TEMPLE,IN THAT GYM WAS DONATED.

THE TOILET WAS DONATED TO A MAN

WHO HAD A CYSTON HIS RIGHT EARDRUM

SO WE WORE BLACK ARMBANDS WHENWE WENT OUT TO PLAY BASKETBALL.

SO WE HAD LIKE 80,000 ARMBANDS.

WE WERE LIKE DEPRESSED MICHELINBOYS WALKING OUT ON THE FIELD.

IT WAS SORT OF SAD.

AND I WAS THE POINT GUARD,ACTUALLY THE POINTLESS GUARD.

USUALLY THE POINT GUARDDOES THIS;

I WENT, "NO WAYWE'RE GOING TO SCORE.

NO WAY WE'RE GOING TO SCORE."

AND THEN DURING LIKETHE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME--

UNFORTUNATELY, AND I SAY THISWITH ALL DUE RESPECT

THE RABBI WAS THE COACH--

OVERTIME, BIGGEST GAMEOF MY CAREER

RATHER THAN GIVE USA PLAY ON THE CHALKBOARD

HE WOULD SAY, "JUST BRINGPLEASURE TO YOUR FAMILY, BREAK."

AND WE'D GO OUT--WE HAD NO IDEA.

BUT THAT'S WHY I AVERAGED...

ACTUALLY, I WAS THE ONLY GUY

TO AVERAGE MINUSTWO POINTS A GAME.

NOT ONLY DID I NOT SCORE

BUT I GAVE A BUCKETTO THE OTHER TEAM

BECAUSE I FELT GUILTYTHAT I SCORED.