Kevin Hart - Fighting Kids

Hart, Miller, List, Lynn, McCarthy, Molondes, Averill Season 3, Ep 5 07/11/2008 Views: 108,761

Kevin Hart isn't bothered by violence, but he'll only fight kids and senior citizens. (3:00)

I don't mind violence when itcomes to kids and old people.

I'll fight kids and old people.I don't like

fighting anybody else.That's it. I'm serious.

I'm, I'm not that violentwhen it comes to adults.

I'm seeing too many peopleget knocked out.

You ever see somebodyget knocked out, man?

Like knocked out.Where they can't move,

they're out cold.I've seen it

too many times.I saw my uncle get

knocked out one time.That might have been

the funniest thingI've ever seen in my life.

You ever see somebodyget hit so hard,

they try to grab everythingon the way down?


It was at a family reunion.He was arguing, right?

He's arguing with this guyover picnic space.

He's like, "Hey, man,

"you and your kids,you all got no hearts.

Y'all need to get the hell outof this picnic space."

And the guy was like, "Look,I don't mind moving,

but don't yell at mein front of my kids."

My uncle went to yellat him again,

but before he got it out,the guy hit him.

He was like,"Let me tell you something.

You and your kids can bothkiss the back of my... "

And the guy hit him.My uncle started scrambling.

And I got mad. I was like,just go down, fall.

I've never seen, I've never seen

change come out of a grown man'spocket when he get hit.

Like he had jeans on,

but when he got hit,like 32 cents

just fell out of his jeans.

It was a bunch of nickelsand pennies.

I've never seen nothinglike it in my life.

One of my friends got punchedin the face and fell asleep.

You ever see that before?As soon as he got hit.

We was at a club arguing.He got mad at this guy.

He was like, "You know, man,get out of my face."

The guy was like, "Shut up."Punched my friend in the face.

As soon as he hit him, my friendwent to sleep. He was like...

He was like...(snoring)

When he woke up,he got mad at me.

He was like, "Kev,how can you ain't get him?"

And I was like, you know what?That's some selfish stuff,

because I just sawwhat he was capable of.

He... he made you go to sleep.

I'm not tired. I'm wide awake.

I... I took a nap.

Why would I walk right

into that ass-whooping?That's stupid.

If he hit me, and I go to sleep,who's gonna wake who up?

That's how I was thinkingabout it.

I don't have an alarm clockin my pocket.

I can't just wake us up.

If you fall asleep at the club,

that's how you get raped.

I don't want that problem.

Wake up peeing out your butt.

I like the way I pee.I don't want that.

I don't.

That's why I carry a whistle.

I'll blow the mess out of awhistle, right in your face.

I don't carewhat nobody says.

Certain people havegood threats, too.

That's another thingyou got to look out for

when you're going tofight people--threats.

Certain people havegreat threats.

Me, myself, I'm nota good threatener.

I can't argue.

'Cause I feel likewhen I argue with people,

they say thingsthat's exactly what I said

but a lot better.You know what I mean?

If I tell you, "Hey, man,why don't you just shutthe hell up."

No! Why don't you shutthe hell up!"

It's like, I guess I have toafter that. I don't...

I don't know what to say.

Rednecks are people thatyou don't want to argue with,

'cause rednecks,rednecks have threats

that aren't the same.

Rednecks, their threatsare a little different.

You know what I mean?

Rednecks' threats makeyou think, you know.

"Boy, I'm gonna take your butt

just like I did that pig."

Oh, my God, what?What'd he say?

Has anybody seen the pig?

Is the pig alive? I don't...

I don't want to fight

unless I knowif the pig is alive or not.

I don't, I don't feel that safe.

That's all that is.

You got to know.

I've actually ran on friendsbefore.

One of my boys got jumped.

Like seven dudes jumped him.

I saw it happen, too.

They beat the mess out of him.I ran. I took off.

It's messed up when you leavesomebody for dead

and they make it. That's, that's

pretty deep, 'cause you don't

know what to say to themwhen you see them again.

You don't know what to say.What do you say?

If I ran on you,then you survived,

I don't know what to say to you.

"Hey, look who's alive."