Steve Byrne - Lying Down

  • Season 10, Ep 5
  • 03/02/2006
  • Views: 19,395

If you're a guy, you can't talk to your buddy while he's lying down. (2:24)

WHAT'S UP, NEW YORK CITY?

[CHEERS & APPLAUSE CONTINUES]

AH--

SMOOTH.

WHAT'S GOING ON, EVERYBODY? HOW ARE WE DOING TONIGHT?

- [CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]- NICE.

WHERE ARE ALL THE ASIANS TONIGHT?

- [CHEERING] - GOOD. NICE.

KOREAN AND IRISH, ACTUALLY. IT'S WEIRD, WE'RE LIKE A MIX,

YOU KNOW, PEOPLE JUST WANT TO PLAY DETECTIVE WITH YOUR FACE.

LIKE NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN, THEY'RE POLITE, LIKE SO,

YOU KNOW, LIKE WHERE YOU FROM? I'M LIKE, "PITTSBURGH."

THEY'RE LIKE, "PITTSBURGH, RIGHT. SERIOUSLY, THOUGH.

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?"I'M LIKE, "PITTSBURGH."

LIKE I'M FROM SOME MUTANT ISLAND SOUTH OF THE PHILIPPINES,

THE ISLAND OF HALF ASIA. IT'S JUST ME, KEANU REEVES

AND TIGER WOODS ON A BEACH ALL DAY PLAYING VOLLEYBALL.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

OH, DADDY'S GOT A BAD BACK.

OH, DADDY'S GOTTA LAY DOWNFOR TICKETY, TOO.

OH. WHAT'S GOING ON, BUDDY?

YOU EVER HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH A GIRL, MAN, LYING DOWN LIKE THIS AT ALL?

LOOK ME IN THE EYEBALLS.DO YOU LIKE POPSICLE'S?

LET'S FACE IT. THIS IS AN AWFUL WAY FOR A MAN TO LAY DOWN, RIGHT?

LIKE IF YOU'RE A GUY, YOU DON'T WANT TO WALK IN

YOUR BUDDY'S PLACE AND HE'S LYING...

"HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?""YEAH, WHAT'S GOING ON?"

"WHAT, I THOUGHT WE COULD JUST SHARE SOME FIG NEWTONS."

"WHAT THE HELLARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

SO I FIGURED OUT THERE'S ONLY THREE WAYS A MAN CAN

LAY DOWN LIKE THIS. NUMBER ONE, BURT REYNOLDS. HE'S BURT. HE'S COOL.

CASE CLOSED. SECOND WAY,MAGICIAN. OKAY.

AFTER A REALLY,REALLY GOOD MAGIC TRICK.

"YOU LIKE THAT? OF COURSE YOU DID. IT'S MAGIC."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

OKAY, THIRD WAY-- FOR SOME REASON,

ANY FAMILY PORTRAIT HANGING ABOVE THE FIREPLACE

THE FATHER IS ALWAYS-- LIKE YOU LIKE THAT, THREE KIDS.

BOOM, BOOM, BOOM-- FEAR THE REAPER.

- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] - FEAR THE REAPER.

Loading...