Today, I get a call frommy credit card company.
Like, "Sir, we just tracked
"some really unusual activityon you account.
Did you make a payment?"
Then I said in French, "No."
Segue-- you know my buddy Ramon?
He's not very educated.
No. He went to DeVry.
Class of February.
Tomorrow's a big day.
It's their 12-day reunion.
Segue-- you know, yesterday,a voice popped into my head
and said, "KillJustin Timberlake."
But then the voiceof reason said,
"Yeah, don't forget."
Segue-- you know, uh...
My leg hurts so bad.
I should stop kickingso much ass.
May focus on taking names,you know?
You know what I can't stand?
I hate it when a person
who's referringto an illiterate person--
They say,"Oh, he can't read or write."
Is there someone who can write,but can't read?
Oh, Raul can writelike Shakespeare...
but he can't readhis own work.
Ah, the irocany.
A couple of days agoI'm watching this guy
through the scopeof my rifle, right?
Stand still, Timberlake.
That's called a call-back.
You know, uh...
I went to a police auctionrecently.
Going there and biddingon my old (bleep).
Ain't cool at all.
Transition-- you know...
I was at home--the ladies' getaway.
There's a knock at my door.
I'm like, who the hellcan it be at 2:00 p.m.?
I shrug in the mirror...like, "I don't know."
So I put the pipe down,put the pants back on...
...and I go and open the door.
There's this guy there,he kind of looks like me.
A little shorter, thicker, blondhair and no glasses, right?
He starts telling me, "Sir, Ijust moved into your community,
"and I hate to tell ya,but I'm a sexual offender."
And I'm like, "Hell, yeah,"'cause that makes two of us.
He's like, "Really?"
"I'm like,"No, you sick (bleep).
I'm not registered."
At least not in the U.S.