John Hoogasian - Class of February

  • Season 2 , Ep 0206
  • 06/21/2007
  • Views: 2,460

Graduates of DeVry have a reunion every 12 days. (3:21)

Today, I get a call frommy credit card company.

Like, "Sir, we just tracked

"some really unusual activityon you account.

Did you make a payment?"

(laughter)

Then I said in French, "No."

Segue-- you know my buddy Ramon?

He's not very educated.

No. He went to DeVry.

Class of February.

Tomorrow's a big day.

It's their 12-day reunion.

Segue-- you know, yesterday,a voice popped into my head

and said, "KillJustin Timberlake."

But then the voiceof reason said,

"Yeah, don't forget."

Segue-- you know, uh...

My leg hurts so bad.

I should stop kickingso much ass.

May focus on taking names,you know?

(laughter)

You know what I can't stand?

I hate it when a person

who's referringto an illiterate person--

They say,"Oh, he can't read or write."

Huh?

Is there someone who can write,but can't read?

Oh, Raul can writelike Shakespeare...

but he can't readhis own work.

Ah, the irocany.

A couple of days agoI'm watching this guy

through the scopeof my rifle, right?

(laughter)

Stand still, Timberlake.

That's called a call-back.

Segue.

You know, uh...

I went to a police auctionrecently.

Very depressing.

Going there and biddingon my old (bleep).

Ain't cool at all.

Transition-- you know...

I was at home--the ladies' getaway.

There's a knock at my door.

I'm like, who the hellcan it be at 2:00 p.m.?

I shrug in the mirror...like, "I don't know."

So I put the pipe down,put the pants back on...

...and I go and open the door.

There's this guy there,he kind of looks like me.

A little shorter, thicker, blondhair and no glasses, right?

He starts telling me, "Sir, Ijust moved into your community,

"and I hate to tell ya,but I'm a sexual offender."

And I'm like, "Hell, yeah,"'cause that makes two of us.

He's like, "Really?"

"I'm like,"No, you sick (bleep).

I'm not registered."

At least not in the U.S.

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