Dat Phan - Asian Stereotypes

  • Season 8 , Ep 2
  • 01/29/2004
  • Views: 19,022

Dat was the only Asian in high school who failed math. (2:38)

I KNEW COMEDY WAS FOR ME WHEN

I WAS THE ONLY ASIAN IN

HIGH SCHOOL THAT FAILED MATH.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT, YOU KNOW, WHEN I FAILED,

EIGHT OTHER STUDENTS AROUND ME

FAILED, TOO.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND I WAS COPYING ONE OF THEM.

THAT'S THE THING.

YOU KNOW I WAS COPYING A GUY

NAMED MIKE.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?

I THINK IT'S LIKE THE

STEREOTYPES THOUGH, YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW, LIKE-- BECAUSE PEOPLE,

THEY SEE ME, AND THEN THEY THINK

I-- LIKE I DO MARTIAL ARTS.

EVEN BEFORE THE TV SHOW

THEY THOUGHT I DID MARTIAL ARTS.

AND THAT DOESN'T BOTHER ME.

BUT I WOULD DO LIKE NOTHING THAT

HAS TO DO WITH MARTIAL ARTS,

YOU KNOW?

SO, FOR EXAMPLE, I WAS TAKE--

THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

I WAS TAKING A LEAK AT ONE OF

THESE COMEDY CLUBS, RIGHT?

AND THIS GUY WAS STANDING

NEXT TO ME.

HE'S LIKE, "HEY, DO YOU DO

KUNG FU?

I NOTICE THE WAY YOU WALK AROUND

IT'S KIND OF SMOOTH LIKE,

YOU KNOW, MARTIAL ARTS OR--"

I'M TAKING A LEAK.

[LAUGHTER]

IT WASN'T LIKE I WAS GOING...

[KARATE NOISES]

[LAUGHTER]

"FINISH HIM."

YEE-HHAA!

"FATALITY.

DAT PHAN WINS.

SHAKE IT OFF.

FLAWLESS VICTORY."

SO I LIVE IN HOLLYWOOD NOW,

RIGHT?

HOLLYWOOD'S A VERY INTERESTING

PLACE.

SERIOUSLY, I--

EVERYONE WANTS TO LIKE--

YOU KNOW, THEY WANNA--

THEY WANNA JUST TYPECAST YOU,

YOU KNOW?

AND I MOVED INTO LIKE A GAY

NEIGHBORHOOD.

I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS LIKE A GAY

NEIGHBORHOOD WHEN I MOVED IN,

YOU KNOW?

BUT I DON'T CARE.

I'M NOT GAY.

IT'S LIKE A SAFE NEIGHBORHOOD.

MY MOM, SHE DIDN'T KNOW.

IT'S THE FUNNIEST THING.

I'M-- IT'S--

THERE'S NO THUGS THERE.

THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN

IS THAT LIKE MY CURTAINS WILL

GET STOLEN.

[LAUGHTER]

I GAVE MY MOM A TOUR OF THE

NEIGHBORHOOD.

SHE DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS LIKE

A GAY NEIGHBORHOOD.

YOU KNOW?

IT'S SO FUNNY.

SHE'S LIKE, "HEY, SON, THIS IS

LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBORHOOD,

NICE AND SAFE.

FRIENDLY GUYS WALKING DOWN

THE STREET HOLDING HANDS.

[LAUGHTER]

SKIPPING TO MY LOO.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE A K-MART

HERE.

NO, WAIT, THAT'S GAY-MART.

WHAT THE HELL?"

[LAUGHTER]

EVERYONE WANTS TO TYPECAST YOU

IN HOLLYWOOD, YOU KNOW?

IT'S SO FUNNY.

LIKE I SAW THESE GUYS.

THEY SAW ME.

THEY'RE LIKE, "OH, YOU'RE ASIAN

AND YOU DO COMEDY.

THAT'S WONDERFUL.

THAT'S GREAT.

WE LOVE IT.

WE LOVE IT.

WE LOVE ORIENTALS.

WE LOVE JACKIE CHAN.

WE LOVE JET LI."

OKAY, I LOVE JACKIE CHAN.

I LOVE JET LI.

BUT WHAT THE HELL DO I HAVE TO

DO WITH THEM?

[LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW I DON'T GO UP TO LIKE

LATINOS AND GO LIKE,

"OH, YOU'RE MEXICAN?

I LOVE MENUDO.

MENUDO'S GREAT."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I DON'T GO UP TO LIKE

BLACK PEOPLE.

"OH, YOU'RE BLACK?

I LOVE DENZEL WASHINGTON.

HE'S A BLACK GUY, TOO.

HE'S GREAT.

BLACK GUY, EDDIE MURPHY,

YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY'S BLACK."

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T GO UP TO LIKE

WHITE PEOPLE AND GO LIKE,

"OH, YOU'RE WHITE?

I LOVE MICHAEL JACKSON."

I DON'T DO THAT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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