Kurt Metzger - Settling Down

Lange, Jackson, Schachter, Melson, Keith, Metzger, Gay Season 2, Ep 1 05/17/2007 Views: 15,648

It's called "settling down" for a reason. (2:26)

Because, uh...she does this thing.

I don't knowif everybody's girl does this,

but she points out other femaleson TV or on the street.

And she goes,"Do you think she's pretty?"

Like some kind of entrapment,that's what it is.

And I'm an idiot so I answer.

I'm like,"Oh, yeah, she's a ten."

A gave a ten to another female,in front of my girl.

And that's gonna cost, then shewants to know her score, right?

Then there's going to bean argument,

because, uh, first of all,

I happen to think an eightis an excellent score, okay.

That is no reasonto yell at someone

unless you have a problem, okay?

And then she's like, "What I'mnot a ten, what does that mean?

"Did you settle?

Did you have to settle for me?"

Which is awkward,

because that's what I thoughtwe were both doing

first of all, right?

"It's a problem now?

"Isn't that why it's calledsettling down?

That's what I thought, like..."

"It's not called 'Reachingfor the stars,' is it?"


I don't want a ten.

I'm not some kindof shallow guito, okay.

My perfect girl... I metmy perfect woman in Canada.

It was this girl,she would have been a ten, okay,

but the only thing wrongwith her

was she just had one arm missingat the elbow.

And, but,and not from an accident.

It was a birth defect,so there were little, uh...

nubby, beginnings of fingertipsthat came out.

(audience groaning)

They were little,they had like nails on them.


But she was awesome.

She was so hot, dude, but justlittle, this would come at you.


That was, it looked likeyou could, like, pull on them

and fix her, like a, uh...like a TV antenna.

Just, like,"Have you tried this...?"

Might be a foot of good armtucked into this.


That is my perfect woman.

That's a girl that would be outof my league normally,

but now I can get herat a discount,

because she's slightlyirregular.


Don't feel bad for her, ladies.

Okay, but you'd hate herif you saw how hot she was.

She was adorable.

We don't carehow many arms you have,

trust me, that doesn't makea difference.

If you want to feel bad,feel bad for her friend.

She had a friend with her.

Nobody would hit on her.

Not that hot, perfectly fine,

two good working,Christian arms, nobody cared.

They just wanted to talkto Total Recall every time.