Chip's House

Fred Armisen & Kevin Nealon Season 2, Ep 5 04/01/2003 Views: 30,851

While on the phone with a building supply store employee, Chip warns her not to be mean or racist. (1:56)

( phone ringing )

>> WOMAN ( over phone ): Pacific

City Builder's Supply.

>> CHIP: Hello. Please... please

don't be mean to me, okay?

Don't be mean to me.

Don't be racist with me.

What is your name?

>> Who am I talking to?

>> CHIP: I'm Chip Douglas.

I'm, uh, here...

I just move here.

I want to build a house, okay?

What is your name?

>> My name's Carol.

>> CHIP: Carol. Hola.

How are you?

>> CAROL: I'm good.

>> CHIP: Yes. I am a gentleman,


I am a gentleman.

So anyway, I'm making a house,

and I have the foundation.

And now what do I do?

>> CAROL: What, are you looking

to buy material?

>> CHIP: No, I need help.

>> CAROL: Well, um, I suggest

you get ahold of a contractor.

>> CHIP: Okay, are you the


>> CAROL: No.

>> CHIP: Okay.

>> CAROL: We're building supply.

>> CHIP: Oh, you make a

building, please.

>> CAROL: We supply the


>> CHIP: Okay, do you have one

for me?

>> CAROL: I need a material


>> CHIP: Okay. This is what I


I have nails, I have a

switchblade, I have an oven,

um... paint, and a hair net.

What do you have for me to

make a house?

>> CAROL: We have the lumber.

>> CHIP: Aw! You have lumber!

That is so good.

In the United States they have

lumber, and you better believe

it's good lumber because where

I come from, they don't have


>> CAROL: Well, I suggest you

fax something over to us.

>> CHIP: I am not fat!

I am normal, okay?

Anyway, I have a house.

Could you please come to help me

make it?

>> CAROL: No. That's not what we


You need to get ahold of a


>> CHIP: Okay, well, we could do

it... we could do it...

>> CAROL: Go to the Yellow


>> CHIP: We could do it

together, and we do it...

Tomorrow afternoon is better

for me because the next day, I

have to wake up at like 5:00


So let's do... Thursday?

>> CAROL: I'm not going to be

able to help you.

If you want to get ahold of a

contractor, they'll be able

to help you.

>> CHIP: Okay, then let's do it,

uh, tomorrow.

Let's get ahold of a contractor,


>> CAROL: No, that's not up to

me to do that, it's up to you to


>> CHIP: Oh, because you

don't like...?

>> CAROL: And you can go to a

phone book, and... or I can give

the name of a contractor, and

you can call them.

>> CHIP: Because you don't like


>> CAROL: Actually, I don't have


>> CHIP: I don't either.

( hangs up phone )