Reno Collier - The Scottish

CC Presents: Reno Collier Season 9, Ep 6 03/03/2005 Views: 5,874

The Scottish invented clear tape. (1:53)

I LOVE MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S FUN, YA KNOW.

BUT I LIKE MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE

BECAUSE I THINK WE'RE ALL

STUPID, YA KNOW.

THE THING IS, MY GRANDPA,

HE HATES EVERYBODY.

AND WE'RE SCOTTISH THAT'S WHY

I HAVE A BIG ASS HEAD,

LITTLE WEENIE, BIG HEAD.

IT'S A CURSE, I'M HUNG LIKE A

FIELD MOUSE IN A SNOW BLIZZARD,

IT AIN'T PRETTY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I SHOULDN'T TELL PEOPLE THAT.

BUT IT'S A CURSE THAT'S WHAT

THEY SAY, BIG ASS HEAD.

BUT MY GRAND DADDY HE'S 98 YEARS

OLD.

HE LIKES TO DRINK AND HE GETS

PISSED OFF AND WE'RE SCOTTISH

AND HE'S VERY PROUD OF OUR

SCOTTISH HERITAGE, YA KNOW.

AND I'M ALWAYS LIKE, YA KNOW

I LIKE TO SET HIM OFF, I'M LIKE,

"GRAND DAD, HOW DO YOU HATE

EVERYBODY?

WE'RE SCOTTISH.

SCOTTISH HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING

FOR THIS COUNTRY TO MAKE YOU

SO COCKY."

HE'S LIKE, [OLD MAN'S VOICE]

"SHUT UP, BOY.

SCOTTISH PEOPLE BUILT THIS

DAMN COUNTRY.

WE BROUGHT LIQUOR OVER HERE.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT ROWDY RODDY PIPER FELLA...

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

WE INVENTED CLEAR TAPE!"

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH THAT,

YA KNOW.

I WISH WE'D ALL BE NICE

TO EACH OTHER, YA KNOW, I DO

AND ESPECIALLY IN THIS COUNTRY.

I WISH WE'D GET ALL THE

WHITE PEOPLE AND BLACK PEOPLE

AND HISPANIC PEOPLE AND ORIENTAL

PEOPLE AND INDIAN PEOPLE

COME TOGETHER AS ONE.

IF YOU HAVE HATRED INSIDE YOU,

BEAT THE HELL OUT OF

FRENCH PEOPLE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

OH YOU GOT YOUR OWN WAR, MERCI.

I'M TRYING TO BE TOUGH AND STUFF