Gary Gulman - Meltdown at Trader Joe's Pt. 1

Phil Hanley, Brooke Van Poppelen, Gary Gulman Season 4, Ep 5 08/23/2013 Views: 65,712

A last-minute trip to the frozen foods aisle negates whatever line position you once held. (2:04)

I wanna tell you astory of my meltdown

at Trader Joe's.

I love that place.I love Trader Joe's.

They are so thoughtful there.They're nice.

Everybody doeseverybody else's job,

from the top to the bottom.

It's, uh, no doubtcommunist.

Now, the people who shopat Trader Joe's,

at least in New York City,they're godless animals.

They are.

They are pushy.



They put their cartsin the checkout line half full,

and then continueto pick up items

and bring it back

so that there's like this emptyfield of carts.

And I dothe right thing.

And I'm standing there.

And last week a womandisappeared for so long

that a gap developedbetween her cart

and the rest of the line.

And so I filled it and preparedmyself for a showdown.

Because I knew,just by the time of day

and the neighborhoodwhat was going to come back.

I just knew.It was during the day,

so she was wealthy,entitled, aggressive, pushy.

I even predicted the first twowords of her sentence

when she returned.

Because she came back,armful of frozen foods,

meaning she went downstairsto frozen foods.

A ten-minute round trip.The audacity,

nay, the temerity.

She puts them intothe carriage and she's--

And I knew the firsttwo words.

She says, "Yeah, no.

I was ahead of you."

And so I said,"No, yeah."

Flipped it.

You were ahead of me,

until you went shopping.

You can't go downstairsto frozen foods,

come back with an armfuland take your spot in line.

The best I can offer youat this point is back cutsies,

and that's incrediblygenerous.