Lewis Black - The Super Bowl

  • Season 6 , Ep 1
  • 04/21/2002
  • Views: 6,609

It's important for man to have a ritual. (3:21)

LEWIS>> YOU-- YOU--

YOU GUYS ARE WAY TOO EXCITED.

(LAUGHTER)

AND THAT PUTS A LOT OF PRESSURE

ON ME AND I DON'T RESPOND WELL

TO PRESSURE!

(LAUGHTER)

I WATCHED THE, AH,

THE SUPER BOWL AGAIN THIS YEAR

BECAUSE I AM AN IDIOT.

(LAUGHTER)

I'VE WATCHED, UH,

EVERY SUPER BOWL.

AND I'VE WATCHED EVERY

SUPER BOWL BECAUSE

I HAVE NO RELIGION.

AND I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT

FOR MEN TO HAVE A RITUAL, AND

THE SUPER BOWL IS ON ONCE A YEAR

ON SUNDAY, SO AT LEAST I'M

TRYING.

I HAVE NO RELIGION BECAUSE

I WAS BORN AND RAISED JEWISH.

AND ON THE FIRST NIGHT OF

CHANUKAH, MY PARENTS WHEN I WAS

VERY YOUNG GAVE ME A TOP

TO PLAY WITH.

THEY CALLED IT A DRADLE...

I KNEW IT WAS A TOP.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

AND AS I LOOKED AT THAT TOP,

I SAID, YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK

I'M GOING TO BE JEWISH

FOR VERY LONG.

(LAUGHTER)

THE SUPER BOWL THIS YEAR

WAS KIND OF INTERESTING BECAUSE

THEY RAN THREE AND A HALF,

FOUR HOUR'S OF A SALUTE

TO AMERICA BROUGHT TO US

BY THE NFL.

SO BY THE TIME THEY WERE KICKING

OFF, I WAS ACTUALLY SICK OF

FREEDOM.

(LAUGHTER)

I PINED TO BE ENSLAVED!

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

BUT LAST YEARS' SUPER BOWL

WAS HISTORIC.

BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER,

I SPENT THE FIRST SIX MINUTES

WATCHING THIS GAME, THEY WENT

TO FOUR MINUTES OF COMMERCIALS,

THEY CAME BACK...

I FORGOT WHO WAS PLAYING.

(LAUGHTER)

AND SOME OF THE COMMERCIALS

ARE SPECTACULAR.

THEY'RE EXTRAORDINARY,

THERE LIKE MYSTERY STORIES.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY'RE

SELLING UNTIL THE VERY END.

(LAUGHTER)

THREE RABBITS ARE ON A LOG

AND ONE OF THEM GOES HOME

AND HANGS HIMSELF...

"BUY A BIKE."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

PEPSI RAN AN AD AT

THE LAST SUPER BOWL THAT WAS

THE MOST PSYCHOTIC AD I'VE EVER

SEEN.

THE AD WAS STARRING

BRITENY SPEARS.

SHE CAME OUT AND SHE WAS SINGING

ABOUT PEPSI.

BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE WAS

SINGING CAUSE SHE CAN'T SING!

(WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE)

SO THE MESSAGE YOU GOT WAS,

"TITTY, TITTY, TITTY,

ASS, ASS, ASS, TITTY, TITTY,

ASS, ASS, ASS, MORE ASS,

TITTY, TITTY, TITTY, TITTY,

ASS, ASS, ASS, TITTY TITTY,

ASS, ASS."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

Loading...