Paul Provenza - Stupid People

Kevin Meaney & Paul Provenza Season 1, Ep 32 02/24/1992 Views: 1,523

Everything in our society goes to the lowest common denominator. (2:47)

THERE'S TOO MANY STUPID PEOPLE--SCREWED UP THE CURVE.

EVERYTHING IN OUR SOCIETY GOES

TO THE LOWESTCOMMON DENOMINATOR.

HAVE YOU NOTICED?

IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.

I BOUGHT A DICTIONARY--BELIEVE ME, THIS CONNECTS--

WEBSTER'S COLLEGIATE,ABRIDGED DICTIONARY.

AN ABRIDGED DICTIONARY--PERFECTLY SOUND CONCEPT.

I DON'T NEED EVERY WORD.

IT'S CHEAPER TO MAKE, LIGHTERTO CARRY-- GREAT IDEA, RIGHT?

HOW COME EVERY WORD I LOOK UPIS NOT IN THIS DICTIONARY?

TOO MANY STUPID PEOPLESCREWING UP THE CURVE.

THE BOOK IS THIS THICK.

WHAT DID THEY DETERMINE NEEDSTO BE IN THAT DICTIONARY?

THE WORD "HAT" IS IN THERE.

THEY HAD MEETINGS:

"SHOULD WE LEAVE IN HAT,SHOULD WE TAKE HAT OUT?"

"NO, DON'T TAKE HAT OUT.

"LEAVE THAT IN.

SOMEBODY COULD GET HURT."

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD,IF YOU CAN OPERATE A DICTIONARY

I WOULD THINKIT'S REASONABLE TO ASSUME

YOU KNOW THAT THINGON YOUR HEAD IS A HAT.

WHO DO THEY EXPECT TO BUY THIS?

WHO'S THEIR TARGET AUDIENCE?

VERY PEOPLE WITH SHOESON THEIR HEADS GO TO BOOKSTORES.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD

IF YOU NEED TO LOOK THE WORD HATUP IN THE DICTIONARY

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO.

WE KNOW THAT ABOUT YOU.

VOCABULARY IS CLEARLY NOTA PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE.

FOR CRYING OUT...

IT'S THE COLLEGIATE,ABRIDGED DICTIONARY.

THE WORD CHAIR IS IN THERE.

WHAT DOES THIS SAYABOUT EDUCATION IN AMERICA?

ARE WE TO ASSUMESOMEWHERE IN SOME COLLEGE

THERE ARE KIDS SITTINGIN A DORM ROOM GOING

"WHERE THE HELL ISMY DICTIONARY?

"I LEFT IT RIGHT HERE

ON THIS WOODEN, LEG-BENDING,ASS-RESTING THING."

"AND GET THAT SHOEOFF YOUR HEAD!"

( laughter )

HERE'S THE KILLER.

I'M LOOKING UP A WORD THATSTARTS WITH THE LETTER "D."

IT'S NOT IN THERE.

NONE OF MY WORDS ARE.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S IN THE MIDDLEOF THE PAGE

WHERE MY WORD WOULD HAVE BEEN?

THEY PUT THE WORD "DICTIONARY"IN THE DICTIONARY.

AM I FROM ANOTHER PLANET?

WHEN DID I BECOME SMARTER THANTHE DICTIONARY COMPANY--

THAT ALL OF A SUDDEN I'MTHE ONE THAT STOPS TO THINK

"IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHATTHE HELL A DICTIONARY IS

HOW SHOULD YOU EVEN KNOWTO LOOK IT UP THERE?"

LEAVE IT OUT.

OR IF YOU'RE GOING TO PUT INTHE WORD DICTIONARY

AT THE VERY LEAST, TAKE THEOPPORTUNITY TO MAKE A POINT.

PUT RIGHT IN THERE: "DICTIONARY.

WHAT ARE YOU,SOME KIND OF MORON?"

"SEE ALSO THE COVER."

( laughter )