Ted Alexandro - Natural Disasters

  • Season 10 , Ep 7
  • 03/09/2006
  • Views: 11,531

All these natural disasters are beginning to cost Ted a lot of money. (2:39)

DEMOCRATS SAYING "PULL OUT,"

REPUBLICANS SAYING "FINISH THE JOB."

IT'S LIKE THE ANGEL AND DEVIL ON MY SHOULDERS DURING SEX.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MAYBE I REALLY AM A REPUBLICAN.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

LOT OF NATURAL DISASTERS, RIGHT. IT'S DEPRESSING.

GOT TO KEEP GIVING MONEY. CAN'T AFFORD IT.

GETS TO BE LIKE FRIENDS WEDDINGS AFTER A WHILE.

LIKE, DAMN ANOTHER ONE?

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

- TSUNAMI PLUS GUEST, OH. - [LAUGHTER]

HURRICANES,EARTHQUAKES, MUDSLIDES,

IT'S LIKE THE DRINK MENUAT TGIF FRIDAY'S

UNLEASHING IT'S WRATH ON THE UNIVERSE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

PEOPLE EVACUATING EVERY DAY, RIGHT.

EVACUATING USED TO BE A BIG DEAL, NOW IT'S LIKE JURY DUTY.

I'M LIKE, "GREAT, GOT TO EVACUATE."

"YOU GONNA GO?" "NAH, SEE IF I CAN GET OUT OF IT."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

THANKS.

ATHLETES DONATE A LOT OF MONEY BUT SOMETIMES THEY'LL MAKE IT

CONTINGENT ON THEIR PERFORMANCE.

THEY'LL BE LIKE, FOR EVERY TOUCHDOWN I SCORE I WILL DONATE $500

TO THE RELIEF EFFORT.IT'S LIKE THANKS A LOT.

WHILE I'M CLINGING TO LIFE UP ON MY ROOF,

I'LL ROOT FOR YOU TO HAVE A GOOD GAME.

MAYBE YOU COULD JUST SEND THE MONEY.

IT'S A BIT OF A CRISIS SITUATION.

NOT SURE I COULD HANG ON TILL KICKOFF.

[LAUGHTER]

I THINK WE SHOULD GIVE HURRICANES ISLAMIC NAMES.

JUST TO REINFORCE STEREOTYPES.

AND IT'LL MAKE IT SEEM MORE OMINOUS.

LIKE, "YOU MIGHT TAKE YOURCHANCES WITH HURRICANE KATRINA,

BUT IF HURRICANE ABDUL'S COMING,

YOU PACK UP AND GET THE HELL OUT."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

THEY NAME HURRICANES ALPHABETICALLY.

THEY WERE UP TO THE LETTER "K",WHICH IS WHY THEY CHOSE KATRINA.

I THINK THEY SHOULD HAVE WENT WITH HURRICANE "KKK"

BECAUSE BLACK PEOPLE GOT [BLEEP].

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

TOOK BUSH FOUR DAYSTO GET DOWN THERE, TOO.THAT'S A LONG TIME.

IT'S A GOOD THING THE WORLD TRADE CENTER WASN'T UP IN HARLEM.

[LAUGHTER]

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