that we can all agree on,
and that is that America is thegreatest democracy on earth,
No one spends more on it,
therefore you must love itthe most.
That's the rule of any goodabsent father.
And yet for all the moneywe spend on elections,
every U.S. electionis the same.
They all end in exactlythe same way:
With just under 50%of the American population
That is,whichever party wins,
that's the one thingyou can rely on.
That just under half the countrywill be going,
"[BLEEP] ! This countryis [BLEEP].
I am moving up to Canada."
Just kidding. I would neveractually do that.
I'm just trying to demonstratehow upset I am,
and I immediatelytake that back.
I will not even visitCanada.
I'm not interestedin what they're doing,
those maple sugar maniacs.
But if you want
a master class in how to throwa tantrum
when an electiondoes not go your way,
look no furtherthan the state of Texas.
Because the state of Texas
recently threw a10-gallon [BLEEP] fit
over the re-electionof President Obama.
And I don't knowif you saw.
The recentlyofficially applied
to secedefrom the Union.
And, oh, [BLEEP] you,New York,
because that's exactlyhow they thought you'd respond.
One person whooping,
and the rest in the midst ofa kind of excited anticipation.
Oh, no, Texas.Please don't go.
Oh, what terrible news.
Is there nothing we can doto convince you to stay, Texas?
We've packed some bags in casethis awful day ever came.
Please know that you're welcomeback anytime, Texas.
This is your country too.
But before you despairtoo much
about American democracy,
you might like to knowthat a new petition
was recently launchedon the White House web site
from the city of Austin,
who are currently applying tosecede from the state of Texas.
Isn't democracy fun?