David Crowe - Gasoholics

Season 1, Ep 0104 07/20/2006 Views: 3,329

David Crowe is addicted to gas. (2:22)

we're addicted to petroleum.

No one has any solutions, right?

What are we supposedto do about it?

There's no Gasoholics Anonymousmeeting

I've ever heard of.

Big house with a bunch of SUVsparked out front.

Everybody standing up...

"Hi. I'm an American.I'm a gasoholic.

"Yeah, I do feel better.Thanks for being here.

"How'd it start?I don't know.

"I guess it started a long timeago when I began burning wood.

"For heat, really, you know.

"It was natural.You could grow it yourself.

"But I didn't realizeit was a gateway fuel

"to the harder stuff.

"Then I got a hold of coal.

"The coal was likewood concentrate, right?

"Yeah, you couldn'tgrow it yourself.

"You had to buy itfrom a dealer.

"But once you usedyour coal rock,

"you weren't going backto wood. Whoo!

"That stuff was amazing!

"Man, then I got a holdof oil

"which was like liquid coal,

"which I would freebasewith a refinery

"into this golden serumcalled gasoline.

"That stuff was amazing.

"I'd just use a little bitevery day

"to pick me up, get me goingwhere I needed to go.

"You know how it starts:I can handle it. Uh-uh.

"Before I knew it,I had a dealer in every town

"who would hook me upwhen I ran out.

"Seriously.Then one day I woke up

"and my dealerhad become president.

"No way!


"Then... then we startedgetting the good stuff.

"I mean, not the domestic crap,but that good foreign stuff

"like the Amazonian gold,that Saudi light sweet.

"That was my favorite. Whoo-hoo!

"And we were pipelining itfrom here to there.

"We had shipments coming in.

"If we spilled it,we didn't care.

"Just like mop it upwith a diaper.

"There's more coming.

"I was kicking a 20-gallon-

"a-day habitand before I knew it...

"Then they triedto cut off my supply.

"I frickin' snapped.

"I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, man.

"Step away from my stuff,

"or you can say helloto my little friend.

That's my stuff,you cockroach

That's when I realizedI might have a problem.

( laughter )

So they got me on a ten percentethanol program right now.

Yeah, within a year,I should be clean and solar.

( laughter )