Jeff Ross - Dog Taunting

Season 1 , Ep 0101 07/17/02 Views: 3,689

Jeffrey Ross loves dogs but hates his sister's dog. (1:48)

My sister, who I love dearly,

has a Doberman Pinscher.

I love dogs, okay?

I want you to know that.

I love dogs.

But I hate her dog, because he

snaps at me all the time.

He's mean as hell, right?

So now when my sister goes to

work during the day I call up

her answering machine, leave the

dog messages to make him crazy.

( laughter )

"Come on, boy, want to go for a

walk?

Where's the leash?

Come on, baby.

Who's at the door?

Go see who's at the door!

Who's at the door?

( imitating cat )

Where is he?

( imitating cat )"

One time the dog picked up.

"What the hell are you doing,

man?

It's not funny."

( laughter )

"I've got star-69.

I got you."

I'm not always politically

correct onstage, you know?

Did you say, "No duh?"

Don't mess with me, man, because

I'll come out there, and I'll

kick her ass.

I swear to God, man.

I'm crazy.

( applause )

I'm not always politically

correct, like I said.

I don't even know the language

anymore.

Like, tell me if I'm getting

this right okay?

Indians are now Native

Americans, black people are

African Americans, Irish people

are Drunk Americans.

( laughter )

You can't even call midgets

midgets anymore.

It's not the... you know what

the proper thing to do now,

politically correct?

The proper thing to do when you

see a midget now is to lean over

and say, "Excuse me, is the

circus in town?"

( laughter )

You think it goes that far?

You think circus freaks are

politically correct with other

circus freaks?

You think the strong man is in

the back of the circus tent,

"Hey, look, it's the bearded

lady over there."

"Excuse me, we prefer to be

called Italian Americans."

( laughter )

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