Freddy Soto - The Good Book

  • Season 7 , Ep 12
  • 05/01/2003
  • Views: 11,793

The Bible was written in American -- just check any hotel drawer. (2:25)

I GREW UP IN EL PASO, TEXAS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

WE HAD A LOT OF--

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

HAD A LOT OF REDNECKS.

(LAUGHTER)

OH, MAN, THAT'S WHEN YOU DID

GET SCARED, MAN, WHEN YOU START

HEARING THAT.

WHEEEEWWWW!

(LAUGHTER)

THEY'RE THE ONES, MAN.

SEE THOSE GUYS--

THAT'S WHY I DON'T HAVE

AN ACCENT LIKE MY FATHER.

I HAD TEACHERS THAT WERE--

"HEY, GOT DARNIT, EH.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU'RE NOT GONNA SPEAK YOUR GOT

DARN SPANGALI IN MY CLASSROOM.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YOU'D BETTER SAVE THAT STUFF

FOR YOUR OWN DARN CASA.

I'M TRYIN' TO HELP YOU, PEPITO.

HERE IN TEXAS, WE SPEAK ENGLISH

LIKE THE GOOD LORD INTENDED,

ALL RIGHT?

THAT'S RIGHT.

HELL, WHAT LANGUAGE WAS THE

BIBLE WRITTEN IN?

(LAUGHTER)

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

WRITTEN IN GOOD OLD AMERICAN,

SON.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, GO OVER

TO THE MOTEL 8, OPEN A DRAWER.

YOU OPEN THE GOOD BOOK,

I GUARANTEE YA A JALAPEƑO

WON'T FALL OUT."

ALWAYS TRYING TO HELP, MAN.

THESE GUYS.

YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.

THEY GO, "BEANER."

WE GOT THE BEANER, BIG DEAL.

SO WHAT?

EVERYBODY'S GOT A FOOD.

THAT'S WHAT RACISM WAS ALL ABOUT

IS FOOD, REALLY, RIGHT?

BLACK PEOPLE, WHAT DO YOU GUYS

HAVE?

Female: CHICKEN.

Freddy: FRIED CHICKEN,

WATERMELON.

SEE HOW QUIET EVERYBODY JUST GOT

IN HERE.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

BUT EVERYBODY LAUGHED AT

THE BEANS, THOUGH, DIDN'T THEY?

THE BEANS IS FUNNY, RIGHT?

BUT CHICKEN, "OH, NEVER HEARD

OF IT.

WHAT'S A CHICKEN?"

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

"WATERMELON?

HEY, GUY.

I'M ON A DATE.

I GOT THESE TICKETS FOR FREE."

(LAUGHTER)

HEY, WE TRIED TO PIN CRACKER

ON THE WHITE PEOPLE.

THAT ONE'S NOT HAPPENING TOO

GOOD, MAN, 'CAUSE WHITE PEOPLE

ARE VERY CRAFTY.

YOU GUYS ARE ALWAYS IN EVERYBODY

ELSE'S RESTAURANT, THAT WAY THEY

DON'T GET YOU.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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