Bruce Bruce - Bruce's Uncle

  • Season 7 , Ep 3
  • 02/20/2003
  • Views: 23,753

Bruce's uncle laughs out loud without ever cracking a smile. (3:20)

I'M STUPID BECAUSE I KNOW THIS

STUFF ABOUT EVERYBODY.

LIKE, I GOT A PARTNER, HE ALWAYS

SHAKE HIS HEAD WHEN HE TALK TO

YOU.

YOU EVER SEEN PEOPLE LIKE THAT?

(LAUGHTER)

HIS NAME'S JIMMY.

I'M LIKE, "WHAT'S HAPPENING,

JIMMY?"

"AIN'T NOTHING, BABY.

WHAT'S GOING ON?"

I'LL BE LIKE, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH

YOUR HEAD?"

"AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH

MY HEAD."

BUT HE LOOK AT ME--

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD?"

I SAY, "AIN'T NOTHING WRONG."

'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHEN SOMEBODY

DO THAT, IT'LL MAKE YOU DO IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

HE WAS TALKING TO ME ONE DAY.

"YEAH.

THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO."

I'M LIKE--

(LAUGHTER)

HE SAID, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR

HEAD?"

I SAID, "AIN'T NOTHING WRONG

WITH MY HEAD."

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

I'M TELLING YOU, I NOTICE

EVERYTHING.

LIKE, I GOT A FRIEND--

HE ALWAYS GIGGLE, AFTER EVERY

TIME YOU SAY SOMETHING.

YOU EVER SEE SOMEBODY JUST

GIGGLE FOR NO REASON?

HE WAS PAINTING A HOUSE.

I SAID, "YOU DO PAINTING?"

"YEAH, MAN.

HE GONNA BRING MY MONEY NOW."

(GIGGLES)

"WHAT YOU LAUGHING AT?"

"I AIN'T LAUGHING AT NOTHING.

WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

(GIGGLES)

COULD YOU IMAGINE SOMEBODY LIKE

THAT TESTIFYING FOR YOU IN

COURT?

THE JUDGE SAY, "YOU SEEN WHAT

HAPPENED?"

"YEAH.

HE DIDN'T DO NOTHING."

(GIGGLES)

JUDGE WOULD BE LIKE, "GUILTY.

GET HIM OUTTA HERE."

AND LIKE, I HAD A UNCLE THAT

COUGH-- I MEAN, HE HAD A COUGH

THAT WAS UNBELIEVABLE.

IT WASN'T LIKE-- (COUGHS)

IT'S LIKE HE'S REACHING FOR

SOMETHING.

YOU EVER SEEN PEOPLE LIKE THAT?

HE GOT THE COUGH--

HE LIKE-- (HEARTY COUGH)

LIKE, "YOU ALL RIGHT?"

"YEAH, I'M FI--"

(COUGHS)

(COUGHING CONTINUES)

AND WE'RE NOT GONNA EVEN TALK

ABOUT BAD BREATH.

OH, MY GOD.

PEOPLE WITH BAD BREATH--

DON'T THEY MAKE YOU MAD?

YOU EVER SEE PEOPLE'S BREATH BE

SO BAD YOU COULD SEE THE WORDS

COMING OUTTA THEIR MOUTH?

YOU BE STANDING THEIR TALKING--

"YEAH, I SEE WHAT YOU'RE TALKING

ABOUT."

YOU START MOVING, HE START

MOVING.

"WHY YOU MOVING?"

"I SEE SOMEBODY BEHIND YOU."

HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO

SOMEBODY, BREATH BE SO BAD,

AND YOU BE A DISTANCE FROM THEM?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

AND YOU BE LIKE--

YOUR EYES ARE BLINKING?

AND HE BE TALKING--

"HOW YOUR MOMMA DOING?"

"SHE DOING FINE.

SHE--"

"AH, YOU GOT A LOT ON YOUR MIND,

DON'T YOU?"

(LAUGHTER)

HANG ON.

YOU ALL DON'T MIND.

I'M GONNA GET MY CIGARETTE RIGHT

HERE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU EVER GOT THOSE UNCLE THAT

SMOKE CIGARETTES, AND HE ALWAYS

TALKING WITH THE CIGARETTE IN

HIS MOUTH?

EVERYBODY GOT A UNCLE LIKE THAT.

MY UNCLE, HE COME TO THE DOOR,

BOXER DRAWERS ON, T-SHIRT.

YOU KNOW, GO, "HEY, HOW YOU--

HOW'S EVERYTHING?

HOW YOUR MOM DOING, HOW'S

EVERYTHING?

YEAH, HOW'S EVERYTHING?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR CAR?

ANYTHING WRONG WITH YOUR CAR?

YOU ALL AIN'T BROKE DOWN, NOW.

YOU--"

(HEARTY COUGHS)

(UNINTELLIGIBLE)

"YOU NEED TO LEAVE THEM

CIGARETTES ALONE."

"DANG WHAT IT IS.

DANG WHAT IT IS."

(LAUGHTER)

YOU BE WORKING ON THE CAR,

MY UNCLE WILL BE OUT THERE WITH

A CIGARETTE.

"I DON'T THINK THAT'S WHAT IT

IS.

YOU NEED TO LOOK AT THAT

ALTERNATOR.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

(LAUGHTER)

NO, NO, THAT AIN'T THE

ALTERNATOR.

THAT'S THE ALTERNATOR OVER

THERE."

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

IT'S STRANGE PEOPLE IN

MY FAMILY.

I GOT A UNCLE THAT LAUGH OUT

LOUD, AND DON'T EVEN CRACK

A SMILE.

HAVE YOU EVER SAW THAT?

I TOLD MY AUNT, I SAID,

"HE DON'T NEVER CRACK A SMILE."

SHE SAID, "YES, HE DO."

I SAY, "WATCH THIS."

I CRACK A JOKE.

HE GO (HEARTY LAUGHTER)

WHOO!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

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