I got a new tie.
You like this?
Oh, thank you.
I got it through the mail.
I had to send in aproof of purchase
from Kellogg's Fruit and Fiber,so I sent them a stool sample.
I live here in New York.
I live in a littlestudio apartment
on the Upper East Side.
I was thinking of gettinga dog to keep me company,
but I didn't think it would befair for the dog to be cooped
up in a tiny apartment inthe middle of a crowded city.
It'd be kinda cruel, you know?
Then I started thinking, whatthe hell am I doing here?
I'm living in a place Iwon't let a dog live in.
Tried jogging for the firsttime a couple of days ago.
And a lot of joggerstell you they
get a runner'shigh when they jog.
I'm not sure exactlywhat they mean by that,
but if they mean puking allover myself and collapsing,
Do you watch the NewYork City Marathon on TV?
I don't know whythey show that on TV.
It's so boring, you know?
They can really liven it upa bit to boost the ratings.
Change it into the NewYork City Triathlon.
Have it start in the SouthBronx around midnight.
You have to run for yourlife to the Hudson River.
Swim across toJersey, steal a car.
And then, for theendurance part of the race,
drive the car backto Manhattan, and get
it registered at theDepartment of Motor Vehicles.
I only get four minutes.
I love this city.
I was Greenwich Villagea couple of days ago.
I was visiting a friend of mine.
He kinda takes me on a littletour of the neighborhood.
We get to this certain street.
He goes to me, Gregg, anytime you see two guys walking
together around here,chances are, they're gay.
We're walking together.
Friend's an idiot.
He smokes three packsof cigarettes a day.
Won't quit, either.
His big excuse is, whyshould I quit smoking?
Anything can kill me.
I could be walking acrossthe street one day,
get hit by a bus.
I'm like, yeah, butmaybe if he quit smoking,
he'd be able to get across thestreet a hell of a lot faster.
I know a lot of idiots.
I know a guy-- drank half abottle of antifreeze once.
His last words were,is it warm in here?
So what else could Itell you about myself?
I'm a hypochondriac.
Well, at least that's what mygynecologist keeps telling me.
You ever say something, thenwish you could take it back?
Something like, yeah, I'm a Jew.
What are you skinheadsgoing to do about it?