Jonah & Kumail - Fun With Names - Uncensored

The One With the Hypnotic Herpes Season 3, Ep 4 10/18/2016 Views: 709

Jonah and Kumail figure out their porn names, and Solomon Georgio and Emily Gordon talk crime and deportation in the greenroom. (2:43)

- So your porn would beRay...what is it?

- What is--what is the pornname?

It's your middle name and--

- The street you grew up on?

- Or no, it was first pet?

- The pet and the street yougrew up on.

- And these are hard and fastrules.

- Oh...- Yeah.

- So it's pet and street yougrew up on.

What's your first pet?

- My first pet. Buddy. Buddy.

- And what would your name bethen?

- Buddy Kuuleialoha.


- I want to fuck that guy.

- Yeah, he's pretty exotic.

That's a good porn name.

- Yeah, his special sex move issnuggling.

- Yeah.

- My porn name would be MonoClifton.


- Mono?

- That was the name of my cat.

- Mono?

- It means different thing inPakistan.

It means, one, you must notkiss.


- And he got arrested when hewas 17,

'cause he--he Amy Fisheredsomeone.

He pistol-whipped them, and thegun went off.

- Ooh.- Amy Fisher? What?

- Oh, the gun went off?- That's what Amy Fisher did.

She pistol-whipped somebody, andthe gun went off.

And that's--well, because mybrother did that same thing

to another person, so therefore,I know...

- Here's the dumb--did he get introuble?

- He went to jail.He's--he got deported.

- Yeah, that's trouble.- He's--yeah.

- He got--I didn't know he gotdeported.

- No, he got 12 years in prisonand deported back to Ethiopia.

- Yo, he had to go to prison andthen go back to Africa?

- Wait, that's why when Kumailwas not a citizen, anytime we

would do anything illegal, Iwould always be like,

"I'm taking every--give me allthe things.

I'll take all the things."

If anything went down, I'm nothaving him get deported.

I'm--I can stay here for therest of my life.

I'm fine, and now he's acitizen, but it's, like,

I had never thought about it.

- Now he can get in trouble forhis own goddamn shit.

- I had never thought about it.

- Every time Kumail waspistol-whipping somebody,

you were like...

- You were like, "Kumail, justwait till you're a citizen."

- Then you can do anything.- "But if you do it, I got you."

- That--but that could go--youcould do all kinds of weird

names, though, if you were todo, like, it's, like, so--

- Like, if--there should be,like, lawyer name.

- Like, what would your lawyername be?

- That would be, like, yourmiddle-school nemesis

and the first car you buy.


- Mine would be, uh, he was aSamoan fella, so his--

my lawyer name would be TupuSubaru.


Hi, I'm Tupu Subaru.

Have you been in an accident?

[laughter]What would yours be?

- Waleed Spectra.

- Nice.

- Yeah, Waleed Spectra.- Yeah.

- I just got a little angrythinking about Waleed, so...


Fashion designer name would be,like,

the person you lost yourvirginity to

and the first city you moved to

after moving away from yourparents.

- Mine is perfect.

Monica Santa Monica.

[laughter and applause]