Matt Braunger - Nancy Bus

  • Season 1 , Ep 2
  • 01/15/2010
  • Views: 15,697

These days, creepy, old gay men hang out at the 7-11 by the weight lifting magazines. (2:11)

UH, I LOVE--I LOVE NEW YORK CITY

AND I LOVE BEING HEREIN THE AUTUMN.

YOU KNOW, IT'S SO-- THERE'SNOTHING LIKE IT IN THE WORLD,

AND IT'S SO DEFINITIVE.

YOU CAN ALWAYS TELLWHEN IT'S AUTUMN IN NEW YORK

'CAUSE THE LEAVES TURN ORANGE,THERE'S A CHILL IN THE AIR,

PEOPLE ARE WEARING THICKER COATSAND STUFF.

I LIVE IN LOS ANGELES.

YOU CAN ALWAYS TELLIT'S AUTUMN IN LOS ANGELES

WHEN THE CITY'SNO LONGER ON FIRE ANYMORE,(laughter)

WHEN THINGS AREN'T ABLAZE,YOU KNOW?

LIKE SUMMERTIME,YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, AUGUST!

"OH, G--AHH!(laughter)

WHY DO I LIVE HERE?"(laughter)

IT GETS WEIRD WHEN PEOPLE ARE,LIKE, MOVING THERE IN AUGUST

AND THEY'RE LIKE,"WHY IS MY CAR ON FIRE?"

YOU KNOW,AND THE NEIGHBOR'S LIKE,

"WELL,IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR."(laughter)

YOU KNOW, IT'S ABOUT THEN.

(chuckles)

IT'S A--IT'S A LITTLE AWKWARDDOING A THEATER LIKE THIS.

I'M USED TO PLAYINGLIKE, DIVE BARS, YOU KNOW?

IT'S NOT AS AWKWARDAS THE TIME I HAD TO WATCH

"BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN"ON NETFLIX WITH MY DADS.

(laughter)

"STOP KISSING!"

YOU KNOW,IT MAKES ME SAD, THOUGH,

THAT LIKE THE CREEPIEST GUYSARE REALLY, REALLY OLD--

LIKE OLD-- GAY OLD MEN,LIKE, REALLY OLD GAY OLD MEN.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I PUT INSO MANY "OLDS."

I DON'T KNOW, JUST, YOU KNOW,SUPER OLD, BECAUSE--

BUT IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT.

THEY JUST DON'T KNOWHOW TO BE OR HOW TO ACT.

THEY CAN'T TELL THE GAYFROM THE STRAIGHT PEOPLE.

AND NOW THAT IT'S NOT ONLY OKAYBUT, LIKE, COOL TO BE GAY,

NOW THEY WANNA COME OUTBUT IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW,

LIKE YOU'RE KINDA CREEPY NOW.

AND, UH, YOU KNOW,THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE,

LIKE, THEY'RE HANGING OUTAT, LIKE, 7-ELEVEN

BY THE WEIGHTLIFTING MAGAZINES,LIKE, "HELLO, HOW ARE YOU?

"CARE TO LOOK AT THIS WITH ME?

"I JUST THOUGHT I'D COME OUTFOR A STROLL.

HOLD ME!PLEASE, HOLD ME!"

(laughter)

YOU CAN'T COME OUTIN THE 50s, MAN.

YOU'LL CATCH A BEATIN'.YOU KNOW? IT SUCKS.(laughter)

THE BEST YOU COULD HOPE FOR,REALLY, A REJECTION WAY,

IF SOME GUY--HITTIN' ON SOME GUY,

AND THE GUY'S LIKE,"NOW HOLD ON THERE, MARY.

"I KNOW WHAT TICKETS TO WHAT BUSYOU'RE SELLIN',

"AND I AIN'T BUYIN'.(laughter)

"GET YOURSELF BACKON THE NANCY BUS

BEFORE I GIVE YOU WHAT FOR!"YOU KNOW?

(laughter)

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