Deb DiGiovanni - Cougars

Season 4, Ep 0405 11/13/2009 Views: 3,659

What do you think the test to become a cougar is like? Do you think there's any running involved? Hopefully not. (1:38)

And this happens, you get old,you start to age,

and things start to change.

You know what I mean?

Like, now, I findas I've gotten older,

my taste in menhas shifted, uh, to boys.

And it's trouble--it's a bit of trouble.

I'm not gonna lie.

Is that just me?Seriously, is that just me?

'Cause I got to tell you,the older I get,

the better lookinggrade 11 gets.


Okay, I'm going to prison;let's move on.

Um... but I can't waitto be a cougar.

You know what that is?

Uh, the older woman--Oh, I can't wait to be a cougar.

And I'm constantly, like,is there a test

that I have to taketo be a cougar?

Do you know what I mean?

'Cause if there is,I hope there's no running.

I have to say, I hopethere's no running.

'Cause if I arrive to the cougartest and there's, like,

an obstacle course--you know what I mean--

with those tires-- oh, I'm done,

I'm leaving, that's it.

Unless of course, you know,

the Jonas Brothersare waiting at the end.

Then I'm like...(laughs)

I'm just kidding,I'm just kidding.


Just the young one.

Um, anyway-- no, no!

Call the police.

Now, I did, I did that joke

in a small town,and I had actually had

a cougar in the audience--a woman, not-not an animal.

But she was in the audience,and she said to me, she's like,

"No, no, Deborah,you don't chase the young boys,

you trap them."That's what she said.

I'm like,that's a weird thing to say.

So then I thought about it,

and I started to createthat visual in my head.

I'm like,what would that look like?

Do you know what I mean?Me trap--

like, little cougar trap,you know.

Decided maybeI'd dig a hole, okay?

So maybe I-- and then maybe

I'd cover it up with, like,leaves and branches.

You know what I mean?

Little foliage.You know what I mean?

Wait for the young boysto come by, you know.

Maybe I'd get one,a little baseball cap goes up.

"I got one! Whoa, yes!


But that's not gonna happen'cause I don't shovel.

I don't shovel.

Sounds a lot like cardio.