John Mulaney - What's New Pussycat

  • Season 13 , Ep 23
  • 01/11/2009
  • Views: 101,639

John Mulaney explains how the song "It's Not Unusual" can make grown men and women weep tears of joy. (4:54)

THIS IS THE STORYOF THE BEST MEAL

I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE, OKAY?

HAPPENED WHEN I WAS 11 YEARS OLDIN CHICAGO, ILLINOIS,

WHERE I GREW UP.

I WENT TO A PLACE CALLEDTHE SALT & PEPPER DINER

WITH MY BEST FRIEND, JOHN.

WE WALK INTO THE DINER ONE DAY,

AND THEY HAD A JUKEBOX THERE,OKAY?

AND THE JUKEBOX WAS THREE PLAYSFOR A DOLLAR.

SO WE PUT IN $7

AND SELECTED 21 PLAYS

OF TOM JONES'"WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT?"

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

AND THEN WE ORDERED AND WAITED.

HERE'S THE THING

ABOUT WHEN"WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT?" PLAYS

OVER AND OVER AND OVERAND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

THE SECOND TIME IT PLAYS,YOUR IMMEDIATE THOUGHT IS NOT,

"HEY, SOMEONE'S PLAYING'WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT?' AGAIN."

IT'S, "HEY,'WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT?'

IS A LOT LONGERTHAN I FIRST THOUGHT."

[ LAUGHTER ]

THE THIRD TIME IT PLAYS,YOU'RE THINKING,

"MAYBE SOMEONE'S PLAYING'WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT?' AGAIN."

THE FOURTH TIME IT PLAYS,YOU'RE EITHER THINKING,

"WHOA, SOMEONE JUST PLAYED'WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT?'

"FOUR TIMES, OR AT LEASTSOMEONE PLAYED IT TWICE,

AND IT'S A REALLY LONG SONG."

SO THE FIFTH TIMEIS THE KICKER, ALL RIGHT?

NOW, JOHN AND I --

WE'RE WATCHING THE ENTIRE DINERAT THIS POINT, ALL RIGHT?

MOST PEOPLE HAVE GOTTEN WINDAS TO WHAT'S GOING ON.

AND WE'RE STARINGAT THIS ONE GUY,

AND HE'S SITTING IN, LIKE,

A BOOTH WITH HIS STUPID KIDSJUMPING AROUND,

AND HE'S, LIKE, STARINGAT HIS COFFEE CUP LIKE THIS.

AND HE'S BEEN ONTO USSINCE THE BEGINNING.

AND HE'S SITTING THERE,AND HIS HAND IS SHAKING.

HE HAD THIS LOOK ON HIS FACE

LIKE HE HAD JUST GOTTENHIS 30-DAY CHIP

FROM ANGER MANAGEMENT.

AND HE'S STARING LIKE THIS,AND THE FOURTH SONG FADES OUT.

IT'S DEAD QUIET.

THEN -- I DON'T KNOWIF YOU KNOW THIS,

BUT THE SONG BEGINSVERY QUIETLY.

♪ WAMP, WAMP

♪ WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT?

AND HE GOES, "GOD DAMN IT!"

AND POUNDS ON THE TABLE.

SILVERWARE FLIES EVERYWHERE.

AND IT WAS FANTASTIC.

BUT A WORD ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND,JOHN, AND WHAT A GENIUS HE WAS.

BECAUSE WHEN WE FIRST WALKEDINTO THE DINER, OKAY,

WHEN WE FIRST GOT THERE,

AND I'M PUNCHING IN THE "WHAT'SNEW, PUSSYCATS?" ALL RIGHT --

I'VE PUNCHED IN LIKE SEVENAT THIS POINT.

THEN JOHN SAYS TO ME,"HEY, HEY, HEY.

"BEFORE YOU PUNCH INANOTHER 'WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT?'

LET'S DROP IN ONE'IT'S NOT UNUSUAL'"

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

OH, YES.

THAT IS WHEN THE AFTERNOONWENT FROM GOOD TO GREAT.

AFTER SEVEN "WHAT'S NEWPUSSYCATS?" IN A ROW --

IT PLAYED SEVEN TIMES.

SUDDENLY...

♪ DUM, DA, DUM,IT'S NOT UNUSUAL ♪

AND THE SIGH OF RELIEFHAS SWEPT THROUGH THE DINER.

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

PEOPLE WERE SO HAPPY.

IT WAS LIKETHE LIBERATION OF FRANCE.

YOU KNOW, FOR YEARS,SCIENTISTS HAVE WONDERED,

"CAN YOU MAKE GROWN MENAND WOMEN WEEP TEARS OF JOY

BY PLAYING TOM JONES''IT'S NOT UNUSUAL'?"

AND THE ANSWER IS...YES, YOU CAN,

PROVIDED THAT IT IS PRECEDED

BY SEVEN"WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCATS?"

[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

IT'S TRUE.

DEAD HONEST.

AND ON THE OTHER HAND,

WHEN WE WENT BACK...

HOLY [BLEEP]

"IT'S NOT UNUSUAL" FADES OUT.

IT'S DEAD QUIET.

♪ WAMP, WAMP

♪ WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT?

PEOPLE WENT INSANE.PEOPLE WENT OUT OF THEIR MINDS.

NO ONE COULD HANDLE IT.

NO ONE COULD HANDLE IT.

AND THEY WERE SURROUNDED BY THISSEEMINGLY INDIFFERENT STAFF

THAT WAS JUST LIKE,"YEAH, SAME CRAP AS ALWAYS."

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

THEY UNPLUGGED THE JUKEBOXAFTER 11 PLAYS.

AND THAT WAS THE BEST MEALI'VE EVER HAD.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

THE BEST.

THANK YOU.

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