The Big Bang Strategy

September 11, 2014 - Tavis Smiley 09/11/2014 Views: 229,049

On the anniversary of 9/11, President Barack Obama and hawkish Republicans find themselves in unexpected agreement about military action in Iraq. (8:53)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILYSHOW. MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW FOR YOUTONIGHT. MY GUEST, MY GUEST

TONIGHT WILL BE TAVIS SMILEY.HE'S WRITTEN A NEW BOOK,

"DEATH OF A KING." IT'SFANTASTIC.

BUT FIRST, WE TURN TO ISIS.

THE TERRORIST INSURGENT GROUPSLASH ROGUE NATION, SLASH

ALL-AROUND LIVING NIGHTMARE,SLASH-NILE RIVER MUD OSIRIS

PENIS RECONSTITUTER. YES, ISIS.DIFFERENT ISIS. THAT ISIS.

SHE REMADE HER HUSBAND, NILERIVER MUD PENIS FIRST.

I'M JUST REPORTING WHAT I KNOW!

YOU KNOW, OUR PRESIDENT HASSPENT THE PAST FEW WEEKS WORKING

ON A STRATEGY FOR DEALING WITHTHE ISIS TERRORISTS, TO REPLACE

OUR PREVIOUS STRATEGY OF... NOTHAVING A STRATEGY.

NOW TYPICALLY THE PRESIDENT HASBEEN QUITE MEASURED WHEN IT

COMES TO MILITARY FORCE.

>> WHY IS IT THAT EVERYBODY'S SOEAGER TO USE MILITARY FORCE?

THE ISSUE WITH RESPECT TO SYRIAIS NOT SIMPLY A MILITARY ISSUE.

WE CAN NOT USE FORCE EVERYWHERETHAT A RADICAL IDEOLOGY TAKES

ROOT. WHAT WE'RE NOT GOING TOBE ABLE TO DO IS TO

PLAY WHACK-A-MOLE AND CHASEWHEREVER EXTREMISTS APPEAR.

>> Jon: LET ME TELL YOUSOMETHING ABOUT EXTREMIST

WHACK-A-MOLE. IT MAY BE MY LEASTFAVORITE WHACK-A-MOLE.

EVEN IF YOU WHACK EVERYEXTREMIST, WHAT DO YOU WIN?

ENOUGH TICKETS FOR A SLAPBRACELET?

THAT HARDLY SEEMS, HARDLY SEEMSA PROPER RETURN ON $3 TRILLION.

THE REPUBLICANS, OF COURSE, DOHAVE A STRATEGY.

>> IF I'M THE PRESIDENT, I'MGONNA SAY LOOK, I'M GONNA KILL

EVERY ONE OF THESE BASTARDS.

>> KILL EVERY ONE OF THESES.O.B.s.

>> BOMB THEM BACK TO THE STONEAGE.

>> WHACK THOSE SUCKERS.

>> POUND THEM AND POUND THEM.

>> BLOW THEM TO SMITHEREENS.

>> SCORCH THE EARTH.

>> WIPE THEM OUT ALL OF THEM.

>> Jon: NOW THAT LAST ONE, THATWAS UNFAIR TO USE THAT LAST ONE.

MR. CHENEY IS NO LONGER INOFFICE.

I DON'T THINK IT'S RIGHTTO PUT HIM UP THERE.

THE POINT IS, WE APPEAR TO BE ATA CROSSROADS BETWIXT THE

NUANCED VISION OF ANON-OMNIPOTENT AMERICA

PROJECTING POWER SELECTIVELY ANDSOME SORT OF WEIRD ALL POWERFUL

TARENTINO AMERICA THAT CLEANSESTHE WORLD OF SIN THROUGH SLOW

MOTION BLOOD BATHS.

LAST NIGHT BARACK OBAMA BROKEOUT HIS I KILLED BIN LADEN STRUT

TO DELIVER THE VERDICT!

>> FIRST, WE WILL CONDUCT ASYSTEMATIC CAMPAIGN OF

AIRSTRIKES AGAINST THESETERRORISTS.

WE WILL HUNT DOWN TERRORISTS WHOTHREATEN OUR COUNTRY WHEREVER

THEY ARE.

IF YOU THREATEN AMERICA, YOUWILL FIND NO SAFE HAVEN.

OUR OBJECTIVE IS CLEAR.

WE WILL DEGRADE AND ULTIMATELYDESTROY I.S.I.L.

>> Jon: WE HAVE OUR ANSWER.

(APPLAUSE)ALL RIGHT, WELL, LAST NIGHT,

LAST NIGHT OUR MOM JEANS-WEARINGSOCIALIST MUSLIM DICTATOR TYRANT

PACIFIST WENT FULLAMERICA (BLEEP) YEAH!

>> ABROAD, AMERICAN LEADERSHIPIS THE ONE CONSTANT IN AN

UNCERTAIN WORLD. IT IS AMERICATHAT HAS THE CAPACITY AND THE

WILL TO MOBILIZE THEWORLD AGAINST TERRORISTS.

BUT AS AMERICANS, WE WELCOME OURRESPONSIBILITY TO LEAD.

THE STRATEGY OF TAKING OUTTERRORISTS WHO THREATEN US WHILE

SUPPORTING PARTNERS ON THE FRONTLINES IS ONE THAT WE HAVE

SUCCESSFULLY PURSUED IN YEMENAND SOMALIA FOR YEARS.

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: I DON'T KNOW IF YOU

WANT TO CITE A SUCCESSFULANTI-TERRORIST STRATEGY THAT WE

HAVE BEEN PURSUING -- FOR YEARS!

(LAUGHTER)IT'S LIKE PEPE LE PEW CITING

HIS SUCCESSFUL SEDUCTIONSTRATEGY OF RELENTLESS

UNCONSUMMATED CAT STALKING. SOWHAT HAS CAUSED THE

PRESIDENT TO CITE THE SUCCESSOF HIS CONTAINMENT STRATEGY IN

SOMALIA AND YEMEN AS EVIDENCE TOSUPPPORT HIS NEW DEGRADE AND

DESTROY STRATEGY AGAINST ISIS?

>> ACCORDING TO A RECENT POLL,91% OF THOSE ASKED BELIEVED THE

ISLAMIC STATE GROUP IS A THREATTO THE UNITED STATES.

>> 65% SUPPORT AIRSTRIKESIN SYRIA.

>> Jon: 65% SUPPORTAIRSTRIKES IN SYRIA.

AND HERE'S A CUTE FACT. THAT'S AFULL 15 PERCENTAGE POINTS

MORE THAN THE PERCENTAGE OFAMERICANS WHO CAN CORRECTLY

IDENTIFY SYRIA ON A MAP.

(APPLAUSE)OH, ISN'T THAT NICE?

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?(BLEEP) IT.

IF I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS,IT'S PROBABLY NOT WORTH KEEPING.

(LAUGHTER)IF THAT COUNTRY WAS SO GREAT,

WOULDN'T I BE ABLE TO POINT TOIT?

C'MON!

(LAUGHTER)SO IT SEEMS PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS

SURRENDERED, WHICH MEANS WE'REGOING TO WAR.

BUT ISIS ISN'T JUST OUR PROBLEM,IT'S THE WORLD'S PROBLEM,

SO WHO'S WITH US?

>> THE CORE COALITION OF TENCOUNTRIES

INCLUDING CANADA, BRITAIN,FRANCE, GERMANY, ITALY, POLAND,

DENMARK AND AUSTRALIA.

>> Jon: I'M GOING TO NEED TOSEE THIS ON THE BIG BOARD.

AHHH! OKAY.

THAT LOOKS AWFUL CHRISTIAN-Y.

IT'S GOT A LITTLE BIT OF ACRUSADE-Y VIBE.

I HESTITATE TO ASK THIS, BUT CANA BROTHER GET AN OTTOMAN UP IN

THIS BITCH?

>> BUT ONLY OFFICIALLY INCLUDESONE MUSLIM NATION, TURKEY.

>> Jon: YES! WE ONLY NEEDEDONE, BABY! COVER SUPPLIED.

>> ANY SUGGESTION THAT TURKEY ISWELL ON BOARD FOR ANY SORT OF

MILITARY ACTION MAY BE APROBLEM FOR TURKEY.

>> Jon: BYE TURKEY. WE CAN'TGO TO WAR AGAINST A

MUSLIM GROUP WITHOUT A MUSLIMALLY.

NOW WE'RE JUST THE GROUP OFGROWN MEN AT THE ONE DIRECTION

CONCERT WITHOUT ANY KIDS. IMEAN, WE'RE THERE FOR THE RIGHT

REASON, WE LOVE THE MUSIC, BUTTHAT'S NOT WHAT EVERYONE ELSE

THINKS. EVERYONE ELSE THINKSCREEP ALERT. BOOP BOOP.

YOU KNOW, I AM SEEING KIND OF ALARGE NOT LIT UP

AREA IN THE REGION RIGHTAROUND WHERE I

GUESS YOU WOULD CALL WHERE THEPROBLEM IS.

CAN WE NOT GET SOME PARTNERSFROM THOSE ISLAMIC COUNTRIES, A

GROUP OF THEM, PERHAPS A KINDOF A MUSLIM BROTHERHOOD

FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD?

>> IRAN IS AT PRESENT THE ONLYREGIONAL COUNTRY HERE THAT HAS

ACTUALLY BEEN ACTIVE IN HELPINGTHE IRAQI MILITARY AND

GOVERNMENT ON THE GROUND.

>> Jon: IRAN.

THAT'S ALL WE GOT, IRAN.

THE COUNTRY WHOSE MAIN FUELSOURCE IS STILL THE BURNING OF

OUR FLAGS. IRAN, THAT IRAN.

AND OBVIOUSLY THEIR HUGEFIELDS OF OIL.

BUT, YOU KNOW, IT APPEARS TO METHAT TO ATTACK SUNNI EXTREMISTS

BY JOINING THE WESTERN WORLDWITH THE BIG DOG OF THE

SHIITE WORLD MIGHT BE LITTLEWEIRD.

AND IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY, INTHIS AREA OF NOTHING HAPPENING

AND NOBODY JOINING, THE UNITEDSTATES HAS SUPPLIED THAT AREA

WITH BILLIONS IN WEAPONSTECHNOLOGY AND MILITARY TRAINING

-- SO, FELLERS --

>> THERE IS AN AGREEMENT FROM

THE SAUDIS TODAY THAT THEY WILLCREATE BASES OR PERMIT THE FREE

SYRIAN ARMY TO TRAIN ANDAMERICANS WILL BE TRAINING THEM.

>> Jon: OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

SO WHILE AMERICA FIGHTS THEGROUP THAT WANTS TO TAKE THE

SAUDIS DOWN, THE SAUDIS ARELETTING US CRASH ON THEIR COUCH!

THANKS!

THANKS FOR MAKING YOURSELFAVAILABLE ON AIRSTRIKE BNB.

OH, YOU'RE SO GREAT!

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

ONCE AGAIN -- SAUDIS!(APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: ONCE AGAIN, IN OUREXCITEMENT TO EXPORT AMERICAN

BOOMOCRACY, WE MAY BE FORGETINGA VERY IMPORTANT LESSON.

>> WE CAN'T ERASE EVERY TRACE OFEVIL FROM THE WORLD.

>> Jon: DON'T TELL ME!

TELL YOU!

YOU KNOW, WE HAVE AN ANNIVERSARYTODAY. THE ATTACK OF 13 YEARS

AGO TODAY WAS PLANNED BY FOURDICKHEADS IN A THREE-BEDROOM

APARTMENT IN HAMBURG. PROBABLYCOULD HAVE BEEN A TWO-BEDROOM,

BUT THEY WANTED A HOME OFFICE.

THERE IS NO WAY TO MILITARILYELLIMINATE ENOUGH SPACE TO

KEEP SOME TERRORISTS FROMOPERATING AGAINST US.

SO UNTIL THIS PART OF THE WORLDDECIDES THAT IT IRKS THEM THAT

THE BELIEF SYSTEM THEY HOLDSACRED IS MISREPRESENTED TO

JUSTIFY A PERPETUAL VIOLENCEMACHINE, UNTIL IT STARTS TO SEE

PAST SECTARIAN LINES ANDNATIONAL BORDERS THAT -- OKAY,

WE DREW, WE'LL GIVE YOU THAT --THE UNITED STATES CAN'T FIX IT

BECAUSE IT CAN'T BE FIXED BYWAVING A MAGIC BOMB -- NOT THAT

WE DON'T HAVE ONE OF THOSE INDEVELOPMENT.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)