John Oliver - Smorgasbord of Crazy

  • Season 3 , Ep 2
  • 07/27/2012
  • Views: 6,704

John Oliver thanks the Republicans for providing a tasting menu of batsh*ttery. (2:29)

REALLY IS THE CANDIDATES,

AND IT MIGHT--IT MIGHTBE A GOOD OPPORTUNITY NOW

FOR ALL OF US,

WHATEVER YOUR POLITICALPERSUASION IS,

JUST TO PAUSE FOR A SECONDAND THANK THE REPUBLICANS

FOR THE SMORGASBORD OF CRAZY

THAT THEY PLACEDIN FRONT OF YOU.

THEY STEPPED UP.

THEY STEPPED UP.

THEY SAW THAT AMERICAWAS SUFFERING,

AND THEY DID SOMETHINGABOUT IT

BY PRESENTING YOU WITH A TASTINGMENU OF (bleep)

JUST...

THERE IS NOT A SINGLE DAY THATGOES BY THAT

I'M NOT THANKFUL THATHERMAN CAIN RAN FOR PRESIDENT.

HE DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

TECHNICALLY, HE PROBABLYSHOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT,

BUT HE DID IT ANYWAY.

AND I, FOR ONE,AM GRATEFUL TO HIM.

LOOK AT MICHELE BACHMANN.

NOW SHE MIGHT LOOK CRAZYTO YOU AT FIRST,

SECOND, AND 84th GLANCE,BUT YOU WOULD BE WRONG,

YOU ARUGULA CHOMPING HIPPIES.

YOU'VE BEEN EATING IT.I CAN SMELL IT ON YOUR BREATH.

MICHELE BACHMANNIS ACTUALLY BRILLIANT.

BECAUSE SHE TALKSIN SEMANTIC PALINDROMES.

IF YOU TAKE A SPEECH OF HERS

AND YOU PHYSICALLYWRITE IT DOWN,

IT MAKES EXACTLY AS MUCH SENSEWHEN YOU READ IT BACKWARDS

AS FORWARDS.

DO YOU KNOW HOW DIFFICULTTHAT IS?

NO, YOU DON'T.IT IS HARD.

AND THEN, OF COURSE,THERE IS MITT ROMNEY.

AND IT IS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUNTO WATCH MITT ROMNEY

FIND NEW IMAGINATIVE WAYS

TO PRETEND HE HAS SEVERALHUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS LESS

THAN HE ACTUALLY HAS.

BECAUSE MITT ROMNEYHAS A CONTEMPT FOR POOR PEOPLE

WHICH IS BORDERLINEDICKENSIAN.

I REALLY THINK THE TIME INHUMAN HISTORY MITT ROMNEY

WOULD'VE BEEN MOST COMFORTABLEWAS VICTORIAN LONDON...

WALKING DOWN A COBBLED STREETWITH A TOP HAT

AND A WALKING STICK, WHACKINGORPHAN CHILDREN WITH IT,

AND SINGING CONFIDENTLYAT THE TOP OF HIS VOICE.

(cockney accent) ♪ WALKING DOWNA LONDON STREET ♪

♪ WHACKING EACH ORPHANTHAT I MEET ♪

♪ WHACKING THEM IN THE HEAD

♪ WHACKITY-WHACKITY-WHACK ♪

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