T.J. Miller - Double Vagina & Characters

  • Season 1 , Ep 6
  • 11/20/2012
  • Views: 10,741

T.J. Miller's girlfriend compares her calzone to a body part and he presents a sassy hypnotist, a man with a zombie wife and a jerk who does not know how to play the violin. (2:32)

EMPTY INDIVIDUAL

NOT TO TEAR UPEVEN JUST A LITTLE BIT

AT THE END OFA ROMANTIC COMEDY

LIKE WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER?WITH ANNA FARIS

AND CHRIS EVANS.

WHEN THE GUY GETS THE GIRL,I ALWAYS TEAR UP.

AND I TURN TO MY GIRLFRIENDWHO'S THERE WITH ME,

YOU KNOW, TO TELL HER,

"HEY, THANK YOU.

"THANK YOU FOR ACCEPTING ME

AND LETTING ME BELIEVETHAT TRUE LOVE CAN BE REAL."

WHEN I TURNED TO HER,SHE JUST HELD UP A CALZONE

THAT SHE HAD BOUGHT AT SBARRO'SEARLIER THAT DAY,

AND SHE SAID, "DOESN'T THISLOOK LIKE A DOUBLE VAGINA?"

"ARE YOU CRYING?

WHAT WERE YOU ABOUT TO SAY?"

"NOTHING. THE TOP PARTLOOKS MORE LIKE A BUTT."

THIS IS A HYPNOTIST WHO'S JUSTA LITTLE BIT TOO SASSY.

"YOU ARE NOW UNDER MY HYPNOSIS.

"UNTIL I SNAP MY FINGERS,EVERYTHING THAT I SAY

"YOU WILL TAKE NOTAS A SUGGESTION BUT AS A RULE.

"YOU WILL NO LONGERCRAVE CIGARETTES.

"YOU WILL NO LONGER WANTA CIGARETTE,

"AND YOU'RE GONNA GETRID OF THAT FLANNEL SHIRT.

YOU LOOK LIKE A LUMBERJACKTHAT GAVE UP ON LIFE!"

[snaps]OH, [bleep].

THIS GUY--WHENEVERHE'S AMAZED BY SOMETHING,

HE DOES A TRIPLE TAKEINSTEAD OF A DOUBLE TAKE.

BUT THE THIRD TAKE COMESA LITTLE BIT TOO LATE.

"HOLD ON--YOU PAIDHOW MUCH FOR THAT CEREAL?"

AH, THIS IS A GUYWHO HIS WIFE IS A ZOMBIE,

BUT HE HASN'T BEEN ABLETO COME TO TERMS WITH THAT YET.

"OH, WELL, CHERYL, YOU DIDN'THAVE TO BRING SOMETHING.

"THANK YOU.WELL, COME ON IN.

"I WANT YOU TO MEET MY WIFE.

"LET ME JUST GET THIS TORCH.UH, THIS IS SHARON.

"BAAAAACK!BAAACK!

"BAAAAAAACK!BAAAAAAAAACK!

"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

WE STILL HAVEOUR LITTLE LOVER'S SPATS."

THIS GUY IS A REAL JERK,A REAL JERK.

BUT HE DOES NOT KNOW HOWTO PLAY THE VIOLIN.

"OH, BOO-HOO!YOU GOT IN A CAR ACCIDENT

"AND YOU LOST YOUR CREDIT CARDIN THE SAME DAY?

"WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?

"HUH?YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?

THIS IS ME PLAYING THE WORLD'SSMALLEST VIOLIN."

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