Ron White - Sluggo

  • Season 7 , Ep 13
  • 05/08/2003
  • Views: 51,349

Sluggo loves going to the vet. (2:17)

Ron White: SO, I MENTIONED

SLUGGO EARLIER.

THAT'S WHO?

Audience: THE DOG.

Ron White: GOOD, CLASS.

(LAUGHTER)

HE'S A GREAT DOG.

I LOVE MY DOG.

HE'S AN ENGLISH BULLDOG.

"SLUGGO, THAT'S MY NAME.

DON'T (BLEEP) WITH ME."

(LAUGHTER)

YOU KNOW WHAT I DO TO HIM WHEN

HE'S ASLEEP?

I LIFT UP THOSE BIG-OLD,

HUGE BULLDOG JOWLS AND I HIDE

M&M'S AND (BLEEP) IN THERE.

(LAUGHTER)

HE WAKES UP IN THE MORNING

WITH (SMACK), "IT'S GONNA BE

A GOOD DAY, TATER."

HE CALLS ME TATER.

(LAUGHTER)

HE'S A GREAT DOG.

HE'S SICK RIGHT NOW, WHICH IS

A PAIN IN THE BUTT.

'CAUSE IF HE GETS SICK, YOU

CAN'T JUST FEED HIM MEDICINE,

HE'LL SPIT IT OUT.

YOU GOTTA HIDE IT IN A PIECE

OF CHEESE OR SOMETHING.

AND I STUD HIM OUT LAST YEAR

FOR PICK OF THE LITTER.

AND I PUT HIM WITH A FEMALE DOG

FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS 'CAUSE

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, YOU JUST

FEEL LIKE GETTIN' YOUR DOG LAID,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU KNOW HE HADN'T BEEN LAID,

HE'S BEEN IN THE BACKYARD

FOR TWO YEARS SHAKIN'.

"DO YOU KNOW SOMEBODY, TATER,

OR SOMEBODY YOU COULD CALL?

(LAUGHTER)

COULD YOU THROW A POODLE OVER

THE FENCE, BUDDY, I'M TURNING

BLUE BACK HERE."

AND THEN TO MAKE SURE IT TOOK,

I TOOK HIM DOWN TO THE

VETERINARIAN'S OFFICE AND HAD

ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION DONE

TWICE.

NOW, FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DON'T

KNOW, THAT'S WHERE THEY OBTAIN

THE SEMEN FROM SLUGGO AND PUT IT

IN THE FEMALE DOG.

AND NOW, IT'S PRETTY EASY TO GET

OLD SLUGGO TO GO TO THE VET.

(LAUGHTER)

HE LOVES THE PLACE.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU SAY SOMETHIN' AROUND

MY HOUSE THAT SOUNDS LIKE

VET SLUGGO'S HUMPIN' AIR.

I WENT DOWN THERE.

THE VETERINARIAN HAD

THE AUDACITY TO SAY TO ME,

"MR. WHITE, IF YOU'LL JUST

COME ON BACK HERE, WE'LL SHOW

YOU HOW TO DO THIS AND

NEXT TIME, YOU DON'T HAVE

TO BRING IN THE DOG, YOU CAN

JUST BRING IN THE SEMEN."

THAT'S OKAY.

YOU GO AHEAD AND JACK OFF

THE DOG.

HE FOLLOWS ME AROUND TOO MUCH

AS IT IS.

(LAUGHTER)

LIKE I'M GONNA SPEND THE REST

OF MY LIFE WITH THIS BULLDOG.

"JACK ME OFF!"

"GET OUT OF HERE, WE GOT

COMPANY."

"YOU DID IT THE OTHER DAY!"

"DO IT YOURSELF!"

"I DON'T HAVE ANY THUMBS!"

(LAUGHTER)

THANKS FOR PLAYIN' ALONG.

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT,

GOOD NIGHT.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR...

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

Loading...