ULTIMATE SKETCH ARCHIVE
("Hail to the Chief")
- Good evening my fellow Americans,
with me as always is my anger translator, Luther.
- Convention season is here.
And the GOP event will undoubtedly
be an engaging spectacleto nominate my opponent.
- Have y'all ever seen 50,000 people
rally around someone they didn't like!
I mean that's like going to a Star Wars convention
when a guest of honor is Jar Jar Binks!
- We wish them a safe and productive event.
- Tampa! In August!
Good thing y'all don't believe in global warming!
- And we Democrats can't wait
for our own convention in Charlotte.
Because Republicans aren't the only mothafuckers that choose
to have a convention in the one region of America
where it is 100 percenthumidity, all the goddamn time!
- To streamline the nominating process,
we've decided on three days of activity's,
instead of the traditional four.
- Because we broke y'all!
We do not have enough money!
How many goddamn times I gotta say it.
- Our convention will be in a stadium
big enough for a growing party.
- Two words, luxury boxes.
Two more, buy them.
Two more, you mothafuckers.
- Good luck to all Americans on what is to be
a wonderful democratic process.
- I mean, come on,seriously. Tampa y'all.
Celebrating democracy in Florida
is like celebratingfootball at Penn State!
Y'all got some unspoken issues!
I mean, goddamn.
- Thank you, and may God bless the United States of America.
- See-ya in Charlotte y'all!
They changed the city slogan to,
fuck it at least we ain't in Tampa!
You know what I'm talkin' about.
Not that, okay.