Lisa Lampanelli - Dating Black Guys

Reep, Mintz, Fowler, Lampanelli Season 8, Ep 0804 03/04/2005 Views: 44,947

Doing a black guy is worth the screwed up credit. (2:06)

I AIN'T GONNA DO JAMIE KENNEDY.

HE'S A LITTLE THIN FOR ME.

IF I DID HIM, HE'D GET STUCK IN

THE CRACK OF MY ASS.

[LAUGHTER]

I DO BLACK GUYS.

THAT'S MY THING.

HOW YOU DOIN', CHOCOLATE DADDY?

THAT'S RIGHT.

HOW YOU DOIN' BABY?

OH, MY GOD.

I LOVE THE BLACK GUYS, MAN.

THAT'S 'CAUSE THEY LOVE THE

PADUNKA-DUNK, YOU KNOW WHAT

I'M TALKIN' ABOUT?

'CAUSE I'M TELLIN' YA,

I'M POLITICALLY CORRECT BUT I

WILL TELL YOU, I STAND BEHIND

MY WORD.

ME AND MY BLACK BOYFRIEND

DARRELL JUST CELEBRATED OUR

2-YEAR ANNIVERSARY.

C'MON, FOLKS, 2 YEARS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S 9 1/2 YEARS IN BLACK.

[LAUGHTER]

HE IS SO TERRIFIC.

HE'S SUPPORTIVE.

HE MAKES A LITTLE LESS MONEY

THAN ME.

SO I CALL HIM STEADMAN.

BUT YOU KNOW--

[LAUGHTER]

HE IS THE BEST GUY IN THE WORLD.

AND HE'S GREAT IN THE OLD SACK.

LADY, HAVE YOU EVER DONE A BLACK

GUY?

DO IT.

DO IT, YOU LITTLE WHORE.

DO IT.

AM I RIGHT?

IT'S WORTH THE SCREWED UP

CREDIT.

I'M TELLING YOU.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU MAY NEVER BUY A NEW CAR

AGAIN.

BUT EVERY NIGHT YOU GET AN SUV

RIGHT IN THE HOO-HAW.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT MY MOTHER I WAS SCARED OF

HER, 'CAUSE WE'RE ITALIAN AND

YOU KNOW HOW ITALIAN MOTHERS

ARE.

OH, MY GOD.

OH MY, GOD, MY MOTHER'S SCARY.

SHE'S OLD SCHOOL ITALIAN.

SHE'S LIKE PAULIE WALNUTS WITH

BOOBS.

[LAUGHTER]

EVEN NOW I TELL HER I'M DATING

THIS NICE BLACK GUY.

SHE'S LIKE, OOOOH.

DOES HE HAVE A JOB?

I'M LIKE HE'S BLACK NOT

HISPANIC.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

C'MON, MAN.

VAMPIRES DO MORE DURING THE

DAY THEN YOU FRICKIN' HISPANICS.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

SHE'S LIKE, WHAT IS HE, A DRUG

DEALER OR AN ATHLETE.

SO I GET PISSED.

I SAID, "LISTEN, BITCH".

[LAUGHTER]

HE'S A LAWYER.

NOW THAT'S A GOOD JOB,

RIGHT FOLKS?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH.

WELL, HE'S NOT TECHNICALLY A

LAWYER BUT HE'S GOT THREE COURT

CASES NEXT WEEK.

[LAUGHTER]

THE BLACK GIRLS KNOW WHAT I'M

TALKIN' ABOUT.

THEY'RE ALL LAUGHIN'.

LOOK AT YOU KAWANDA, SHENIQUA,

PLACENTA, PROPECEA.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

EPIDURUL, BENADRYL, SUBPOENA,

BECAUSE THERE'S SOME TRUTH IN