Pete Holmes - Making Fun of Movies

Kyle Kinane, Glenn Wool, Rory Scovel, Pete Holmes Season 2, Ep 1 03/25/2011 Views: 32,652

Pete Holmes doesn't think he should have to make a movie just so he can make fun of movies. (3:42)

I'VE BEEN IN LOS ANGELES--NO, NOT THIS SHOW.

WHAT IF SHE'S LIKE,"DID I BLACK OUT?

HAS HE BEEN..."

(laughter)"HAS HE BEEN MAKING FUNOF MOVIES THIS WHOLE TIME?

"I THOUGHT HE WAS YELLINGAT US ABOUT GOOGLE.

IT WAS ABOUT MOVIES?THAT'S WEIRD."

AND I'VE BEEN DOINGA LOT OF SHOWS IN LOS ANGELES.

AND I DON'T KNOW IF THIS ISA LOS ANGELES THING,

IF IT'S BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLEWORK IN MOVIES.

BUT, LIKE, PEOPLE DON'T--I'M NOT BEING MEAN ABOUT IT.

I'M LIKE, "(bleep) THAT MOVIE.(bleep) ON THE MOVIE."

LIKE,I'M JOHNNY FRIENDLY FACE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT OTHERCOMEDIANS ARE DOING.

THAT'S MY IMPRESSION."OH, (bleep) THAT MOVIE.

I DON'T LIKE THAT MOVIE.GOODNIGHT."

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?I DON'T KNOW.

BUT I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUTNOT LIKING CERTAIN MOVIES,

AND I'VE BEEN GETTING HECKLED.

SOMEBODY IN THE AUDIENCELIKE YOU GOES ROGUE,

AND I START TALKINGABOUT A MOVIE

AND THIS HAS HAPPENEDTO ME MORE THAN ONCE.

THEY JUST CHIME UP.THEY GO, "HEY!

YOU MAKE A MOVIE!"

(laughter)

HEY! YOU MAKE A MOVIE!YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT MOVIES.

AND HONESTLY, I REFUSE.

I DON'T WANNA MAKE A MOVIEIN ORDER TO TALK ABOUT MOVIES.

THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS.

IF YOU GO TO BURGER KINGAND EAT THAT LITTLE OREO CAKE

AND YOU'RE LIKE,"THIS TASTES LIKE CRAP."

THE CHEF DOESN'T COME OUT LIKE,"HEY!

"YOU MAKE A CAKE!YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT CAKE?

"COME BACK WHEN YOU'RE UPTO HERE IN YEAST!

"TALKING ABOUT CAKEIS FOR CAKE MAKERS ONLY!

YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT CAKE,GET MAKING CAKES!"

I DON'T HAVE TO MAKE A CAKETO KNOW

THAT "CHARLIE ST. CLOUD"WAS HORRIBLE.

(laughter and applause)

ME AND MOVIES,I RECENTLY RE-WATCHED

"HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS."

(cheers and applause)YEAH, GREAT MOVIE.

(audience member hoots)RE-WATCHED IT FORTHE FIRST TIME AS AN ADULT--

SOUNDS LIKEYOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH IT.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO AREN'T,IT'S ABOUT A SCIENCE MAN

WHO MAKES A SHRINKING LASER BEAM

THAT ACCIDENTALLY GOES OFFON HIS CHILDREN,

AND THEN HE CANNOT FIND THEM.

AND IT'S LIKEA LIGHTHEARTED COMEDY ROMP.

(laughter)

THIS MOVIE SHOULD BELIKE "RANSOM" BUT WORSE

BECAUSE IT'S YOUR FAULT.

I WANNA DO A GRITTY 2011 REBOOTOF THIS MOVIE.

I DON'T WANNA CALL IT"HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS!"

LIKE,HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA."

I WANNA CALL IT, "HONEY!

OH, JESUS (bleep)!"

(laughter)

"BABY!BABY, GET IN HERE!

"GET IN HERE FOR A MINUTE!

"WHERE ARE THE KIDS?!WHERE ARE THE KIDS?!

"THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.

STOP YELLING! STOP YELLING!STOP YELL--"

THESE ARE ALL CAPITALIZED,BY THE WAY.

"STOP YELLING! DIANE!DIANE!

"YOU KNOW THAT SHRINKINGLASER BEAM

"THAT I KEEPIN OUR UNLOCKED ATTIC?

"AAGH!

"BLUUH!

"THE KIDS, BABY!

"I FOUND A TINY COUCH!IT WORKS!

"IT WORKS, AND IT WORKEDON OUR CHILDREN.

"OUR BABIES!I SHRUNK THEM!

"AND THEY'RE ON THE LAWN.

"I SAW A SCORPION!

"AND THERE ARE ANTSEVERYWHERE!

"BABY, I'M SORRY!

"BABY, I THINK I SHRUNKAND MOST LIKELY KILLED OUR KIDS

"AND THE NEIGHBOR'S KIDS.

WE'RE GONNA NEED CASHAND PASSPORTS."

THAT'S WHAT I WANNA CALL IT.