Lisa Landry - Easy Religion

  • Season 11 , Ep 8
  • 02/01/2007
  • Views: 11,092

Lisa likes being a low maintenance Catholic. (1:48)

'CAUSE IT'S EASY, IT'S REAL LOW MAINTENANCE.

ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS SHOW UP ONCE A YEAR FOR MIDNIGHT MASS.

- WE'RE ALL DRINKING ANYWAY. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S WAY HARDER TO BE JEWISH. THEY HAVE A LOT OF LAWS,

613 LAWS TO ABIDE BY.THAT'S WAY TOO MUCH WORK FOR ME.

I CAN BARELY HANDLE MY TEN COMMANDMENTS.

WELL, SOME A Y'ALL DON'T KNOW ANY JEWISH PEOPLE

'CAUSE YOU GREW UP IN SMALL TOWNS WHERE THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY.

I GREW UP INSOUTHEASTERN LOUISIANA.

WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY JEWISH PEOPLE IN MY HOMETOWN.

WHEN I GOT ENGAGED,MY MOM'S LIKE, "I DON'TUNDERSTAND SOMETHING

"ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND TO BE, I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED.

NOW IS HE GONNA BECELEBRATING CHRISTMAS?"

"NO, JEWISH PEOPLE DON'T CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS."

"IS HE GONNA CELEBRATE EASTER?"

"NO, JEWISH PEOPLEDON'T CELEBRATE EASTER.AS A MATTER OF FACT,

THEY GET A LOT OF [BLEEP] FOR THAT DAY."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I JUST THINK THE WORLDWOULD BE A COOLER PLACE

IF WE ALL JUST UNDERSTOOD EACH OTHER.

LAUGHED A LITTLE BIT TOGETHER. IT'D BE REALLY KIND OF COOL.

I THINK IT'S PROBABLY HARD TO BE MUSLIM.

THEY GOTTA GET UP EVERYDAY AT 5:30 TO PRAY.

THAT'S WHY THEY'RE PISSED OFF, THEY'RE SLEEP DEPRIVED.

I GOT A PLAN FORPEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST

AND IT DOESN'T INVOLVE ANY BLOODSHED.

ALL WE GOTTA DO IS GO OVER THERE AND TAKE AWAY

ALL THEIR ALARM CLOCKS.AND GIVE 'EM AMBIEN.

SLEEP ACHMED, SLEEP.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

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