Judy Gold - New York City

  • Season 3 , Ep 15
  • 09/14/2000
  • Views: 3,281

New York is the best city in the entire world. (2:19)

WHICH I LOVE.

THIS IS THE GREATEST CITYIN THE WORLD, I HAVE TO SAY.

[cheers and applause]

IT IS.IS IT NOT THE BEST?

AND THE PEOPLE-WATCHING HERE--CAN I JUST SAY ONE THING?

I--FOR ASH WEDNESDAY--DID YOUCELEBRATE THE ASH WEDNESDAY?

ALL RIGHT, IT WAS VERY STRANGETHIS YEAR.

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS A KID,ALL OF MY CATHOLIC FRIENDS.

THEY WOULD ALL, LIKE,HAVE A LITTLE--

A LITTLE ASH HERE,AND IT WAS, YOU KNOW,

I'D BE,"OH, IT'S ASH WEDNESDAY."

THIS YEAR--THEY MUST HAVE HAD ANEXCESS OF ASHES, OR SOMETHING.

HUGE "X" OVER HERE.

WE'VE GOT JESUS, MARY,JOSEPH, JERUSALEM, THE POPE--

I MEANIT WAS UNBELIEVABLE.

THEN I SAW THIS GUYWALKING DOWN THE STREET,

AND THEN I LOOKED AT HIS HEAD,AND I SAID, "HE HAS ASHES."

AND THEN I LOOKEDA LITTLE CLOSER,

I REALIZED PART OF HIS FOREHEADHAD BEEN REMOVED

FOR SOME REASON,AND IT WAS A SHADOW.

AND I THOUGHT THIS ISHIS HAPPIEST DAY OF THE YEAR--

THAT HE COULD JUST WALK.

BUT I LOVE NEW YORK CITY.I JUST LOVE THE CITY.

AND I LIVEIN THE GREATEST NEIGHBORHOOD.

I KNOW ALL THE PEOPLEIN MY BUILDING--

MY NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR'S NAMEIS MARJORIE.

EVERYONE'S, LIKE,REALLY FRIENDLY IN THE BUILDING.

NOW, SEVERAL YEARS AGO,I LEAVE MY APARTMENT,

GO TO MY AGENT'S OFFICE;

CALL MY MOTHER ON THE PHONE,BECAUSE IT'S FREE.

WE'RE CHIT-CHATTING.

[laughter]

WE'RE CHIT-CHATTING AWAY,AND MY ELBOW HITS THE PHONE,

AND WE GOT DISCONNECTED.

JUST BY MISTAKE,WE JUST GET DISCONNECTED

RIGHT IN THE MIDDLEOF THE CONVERSATION.

I DIDN'T CALL HER BACK,AND I NEGLECTED TO TELL HER

I HAD BEEN CALLINGFROM MY AGENT'S OFFICE.

SHE IS COMPLETELY PARANOID.

SHE THINKSSOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME,

AND THAT'S WHYWE GOT DISCONNECTED.

THIS WAS THE MESSAGE SHE LEFTON MY ANSWERING MACHINE.

IT'S A REAL MESSAGEFROM MY MOTHER.

SHE IS COMPLETELYOUT OF HER MIND.

[answering machine beeps]

[mother over speaker]Judith, are you all right?Did you fall down?

What happened?Where are you?

I'm a wreck.I don't understand this.

Maybe I'll call Marjorieand tell her to go over

and find out--

[laughter]

Judith, where are you?

ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE CLINCHER.READY?

So long.

WHAT?WHAT?

WHAT IS THAT "SO LONG"?

[laughter and cheers]

SHE THINKS JEFFREY DAHMERIS CHOPPING MY BODY UP

INTO LITTLE PIECES,AND SHE SAYS "SO LONG"

AT THE END OF THE MESSAGE.

I GOTTA GO.YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN INCREDIBLE.

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