Jeff Ross - Enough with the Bread Already

Season 1 , Ep 0101 07/17/02 Views: 6,977

Jeffrey Ross reads his parents' poems. (2:11)

I didn't write this one.

This is a poem that my dad wrote

for my mom.

It's called, "Enough with the

Bread Already."

( laughter )

"Your smile blooms like a bright

summer flower.

Your hair flows down like a soft

rain shower.

Your eyes are like open seas,

blue from coast to coast.

So how come your ass looks like

a truck?

Enough with the bread already."

( cheers and applause )

I know what you're thinking.

I know what you're thinking.

In all fairness, here's one my

mom wrote back to my dad in

rebuttal.

( laughter )

It's called "Put a Shirt On,

You're Scaring the Children."

( laughter )

"I love you, and you love me.

But you eat like you have two

buttholes."

( laughter )

"Put a shirt on, you're scaring

the children.

And put some pants on, you're

scaring the cat."

( laughter and applause )

You know, I actually have a

girlfriend now, William.

>> Is that right?

>> Yeah.

I think she's too young for me,

though.

>> Why do you say that?

>> Because I told her I love

her, and she said, "Then buy me

a pony."

( laughter )

>> Yeah, that's really young.

>> Here's a last poem.

I've got to go.

It's a sad one.

I don't mean to leave you on a

sad one.

It's a love poem.

It's called... it's called "I

miss her sometimes."

"I ran into my old girlfriend

yesterday.

Then I backed up and ran into

her again."

( cheers and applause )

"I miss her sometimes."

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