DC Curry - Pet Motel

  • Season 3 , Ep 12
  • 08/24/2000
  • Views: 9,726

D.C. Curry did not buy his damn dog. (2:17)

FOR A LONG TIME,I DEFENDED WHITE PEOPLE.

IN THE O.J. TRIAL--

I BELIEVE O.J. KILLED EVERYBODYON THAT DAMN BLOCK THAT NIGHT.

HE WAS IN A BADASS MOOD.

I WENT ALONG WHEN THEY OPENEDTHE TANNING BOOTHS.

A LOT OF BLACK FOLKS SAYTHEY WANT TO BE LIKE US.

YEAH, TO A DEGREE.THEY WANT YOUR SKIN TONE.

THEY MAY NOT WANTYOUR CREDIT REPORT,

BUT THEY WANT YOUR SKIN TONE.

WHEN THEY STARTEDBUNGEE JUMPING,

A LOT OF BLACK FOLKSSAID THEY WERE CRAZY.

NO, WHITE FOLKS NEEDA CHALLENGE.

LET THEM JUMP OFF A BUILDING

WITH A RUBBER BAND WRAPPEDAROUND THEIR NECK,

HOPING IT'LL STOP THEM BEFORETHEY BUST THEIR HEAD WIDE OPEN.

THAT'S A CHALLENGE FOR THEM.

BUT THEY WENT OVERBOARD

WHEN THEY CALLED MEWITH A PET MOTEL THE OTHER DAY.

THEY CALLED ME AND ASKED MEABOUT PUTTING MY DOG

IN THE PET MOTELFOR $9 A NIGHT.

I DON'T PUT MY DAMN DOG NOWHEREFOR $9 A NIGHT.

THIS CRAZY-ASS DOG AIN'T BROUGHTME NO NEWSPAPER IN 12 YEARS.

THEY'RE ALL IN THE FRONT PORCH.

AIN'T BROUGHT ME MY HOUSE SHOES.

I GOT CALLUSES ON MY FEET NOW.

THINK I'M GONNA PUT THISLAZY-ASS DOG IN A PET MOTEL?

THEY SAID, "WELL, WE HEARDYOU TAKE VACATIONS,

AND A DOG OF THAT SORTOUGHT TO BE PUT UP SOMEWHERE."

I SAID, "OF THIS SORT?"

THEY SAY, "YEAH,WHAT KIND OF DOG IS IT?"

"I DON'T KNOWWHAT KIND OF DAMN DOG THIS IS."

THEY SAID, "WHEN YOU BOUGHT IT,DIDN'T YOU GET THE PAPERS?"

"WHEN I BOUGHT IT?

"BLACK FOLK DON'T BUYNO DAMN DOGS.

"SOMEBODY GIVES YOUR ASS A DOG,

"OR KING AND QUEENACROSS THE STREET HAD PUPPIES,

"AND ONE OF THEM WANDEREDUP ON YOUR STEPS.

"YOU GAVE HIM SOME FRIED CHICKENAND SOME MEAT LOAF,

"AND HE WON'T [bleep] LEAVE.

I DON'T KNOWWHAT KIND OF DAMN DOG THIS IS."

THEY SAID, "WELL,DO YOU TAKE VACATIONS?"

"YES, I DO."

"WELL, WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR DOGWHEN YOU TAKE A VACATION?"

"I DO THE SAME THINGMY DADDY DID.

"I TIE HIS ASS UPTO A TREE IN THE BACKYARD,

"GIVE HIM A BIG-ASSBUCKET OF FOOD

"AND A BIG-ASSBUCKET OF WATER

AND SAY, I'LL SEE YOUR ASS IN TWO OR THREE WEEKS."

[applause]

I KNOW.

I KNOW THE DOGAIN'T THAT BRIGHT.

GONNA EAT UP ALL THE FOODTHE FIRST DAY,

TURN THE WATER OVERTHE SECOND DAY,

AND WRAP HIS ASS AROUND THE TREEABOUT 17 TIMES.

BUT WHEN I GET BACKTHREE WEEKS LATER,

HE'S RIGHT THEREWHERE I LEFT HIM,

AND I DIDN'T SPENDA DAMN DIME.

Loading...