Extended - Panderdome - Carly Fiorina's Yelp Review & Marco Rubio's Football Mishap - Uncensored

08/20/15 Views: 316

Derek Waters, Natasha Leggero and Andy Daly further candidates' agendas with Yelp reviews and put a positive spin on Marco Rubio accidentally pelting a kid with a football. (4:23)

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>> HARDWICK: IT IS THURSDAY,

WHICH MEANS IT'S OUR TIME FOROUR WEEKLY GLIMPSE THROUGH THE

PEEPHOLE OF POLITICAL PANDERING.

IT'S PANDERDOME.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)>> MM-HMM.

(HARDWICK LAUGHS)>> HARDWICK: THIS WEEK, FORMER

HEWLETT-PACKARD CEO ANDDEHYDRATED CHERI OTERI

CHARACTER, CARLY FIORINA...

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)(HARDWICK CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHTER)SORRY...

>> DICK PICK.

(LAUGHTER)>> SHE MADE A MILD SPLASH IN HER

PRESIDENTIAL RUN BY LEAVING AONE-STAR YELP REVIEW FOR THE

TSA.

WHAT?! OH, SHIT'S GETTING REAL.

AS IF THE ONLY THING KEEPING THETSA FROM GETTING THEIR ACT

TOGETHER WAS SOME LIGHT INTERNETBITCHING.

UH...

COME ON, CARLY!

DON'T YOU KNOW THEY'RE BUSYGRABBING SWEATER TITS AND

CONFISCATING BATARANGS?

WE WERE VERY SURPRISED THATSOMETHING SO TONE DEAF WOULD

COME FROM SOMEONE WHO ONCE RAN ATECH COMPANY...

INTO THE GROUND.

UH... YOU CAN...

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)YOU CAN...

WHEN YOU THE REVIEW, YOU CANSMELL HOW SOMEONE TOLD HER TO

USE SOCIAL MEDIA, AND SHE WAS,LIKE, "IS YELP A SOCIAL MEDIA?"

AND HER TEAM WAS, LIKE, "I DON'TKNOW, KIND OF."

AND SHE WAS, LIKE, "GREAT.

I'LL SEND THEM AN ELECTRONICMAILING."

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)THIS IS HER YELP REVIEW FOR THE

TSA RIGHT HERE.

THESE THREE PARAGRAPHS, WHICHCULMINATE IN, UH, "JOIN US.

CARLYFORPRESIDENT.COM."

SO SHE'S BASICALLY CAMPAIGNINGIN A YELP REVIEW.

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)>> BOO.

>> WOW.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, THAT'SEXACTLY THE RIGHT...

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

HERE'S THE PROBLEM.

OH. ZERO FRIENDS.

(SADLY): OH.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)SO, I DON'T KNOW.

THIS COULD CATCH ON... MAYBE.

COMEDIANS, WHAT'S ANOTHER YELPREVIEW A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE

MIGHT WRITE TO FURTHER THEIRPOLITICAL AGENDA?

DEREK.

>> UH, BILL CLINTON GAVE HISBONER FIVE STARS.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. POINTS.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)>> IT'S A LITTLE DATED, BUT...

HE-HE...

>> HARDWICK: I MEAN...

>> IT'S AN OLD YELP, BUT A GOODYELP.

HE SAID HE'D LOVE TO COME BACK.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, IT'S AGREAT...

IT IS A GREAT PLACE TO EAT.

ALWAYS.

ANDY DALY.

>> CHRIS CHRISTIE GAVE SUBWAYFIVE STARS BECAUSE HE'LL NEED A

NEW JOB, AND SUBWAY NEEDS A NEWFAT SPOKESPERSON WITH A LESS

DISGUSTING SCANDAL.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE & CHEERING)(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

WHEN YOU'RE A PRESIDENTIALCANDIDATE TRYING TO PROVE YOU'RE

A REGULAR JOE AND NOT A DETACHEDAMBITION-BOT FUELED BY LOBBYIST

CASH, YOU GOT TO DOORDINARY-PEOPLE SHIT, LIKE

TOSSING AROUND THE OLD PIGSKIN.

UNFORTUNATELY FOR DEFAULT RPGCHARACTER MODEL MARCO RUBIO...

(LAUGHTER)...AT AN IOWA CAMPAIGN STOP THIS

WEEK, HE ENDED UP BRAINING ASMALL BOY WITH A FOOTBALL.

(LAUGHTER, GROANING)GO LONG! WOOPS.

(LAUGHTER)HE'S... ALMOST AS INACCURATE AS

TIM TEBOW. UH...

(LAUGHTER)DON'T GET MAD AT ME-- I DON'T

GET THAT REFERENCE. UH...

(LAUGHTER)NOW, LET'S SEE THAT AGAIN IN THE

MAGIC OF THE LOOPING GIF.

HERE WE GO.

YES! IT IS FUNNY...

EVERY...

TIME!

>> IT KEEPS HAPPENING!

>> HARDWICK: OH, NO, THIS ISPLAYING IN A LOOP, ANDY.

>> OH...

>> HARDWICK: DID YOU THINK HEWAS DOING THIS HUNDREDS OF

TIMES?

>> YEAH, I WAS LIKE, HE'S GONNALEARN HOW TO DO IT AT SOME

POINT, RIGHT?

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)

>> HARDWICK: UH, COMEDIANS, ASRUBIO'S CAMPAIGN MANAGER, SPIN

THIS AS A POSITIVE.

ANDY DALY.

>> THE SENATOR HAD REASON TOBELIEVE THAT YOUNG MAN WAS ISIS.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)YEAH.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU'RE RIGHT, NO ONE'S TRIEDHITTING THEM WITH A FOOTBALL

YET. YEAH.

NATASHA.

>> IF WE CAN'T END POLICEBRUTALITY AGAINST BLACK PEOPLE,

MAYBE A LITTLE BRUTALITY AGAINSTBLONDS WILL EVEN THE SCORE.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, OKAY. POINTS.

YEAH, THAT SHOULD HELP.

>> NO, WAIT A MINUTE.

NO, WAIT A MINUTE.

THAT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: SHUT UP AND TAKE

IT, BLONDIE!

>> WE SHOULD NOT DO THAT.

>> HARDWICK: YOU'RE GETTINGYOURS!

>> AND, CHRIS, TIM TEBOW WAS AQUARTER... IS STILL A

QUARTERBACK, BUT JUST NOT THATGOOD.

>> HARDWICK: OH, OKAY, GOTCHA.

YEAH, I DON'T KNOW, HE'S ON AFOOTBALLING TEAM, APPARENTLY.

>> RIGHT.

>> HARDWICK: UH...

>> I'M WITH YOU.

>> HARDWICK: I APPRECIATE THAT.

WHO DOES HE PLAY FOR?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY.

(LAUGHTER)

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